I saw this Charles Schwab billboard ad yesterday.
I thought 3 things:
Thought 1) This ad is genius: the copy echoes the inner voice of millions and millions of near-retirement Americans who have just lost enough of their life savings to really be in serious trouble.
When these Americans feel their inner-voice resonate with the sentiment on this billboard, maybe they'll turn to Charles Schwab.
Thought 2) This ad is genius: IMAGINE the meetings that went into this shit:
Alright Jenkins, Americans have just lost billions of dollars by spending the last 40 years following our advice to the letter. How they FUCK are we going to get them to listen to us now?
And Jenkins, that fucking genius, comes back with this. Turns it right around on its ass - uses the enemy's momentum against him like Bruce fuckin Lee.
Here's another way of saying what it says on that billboard:
Over the years, we've given you a lot of advice - if you've been following that advice all this time, you've likely lost everything. Come to Charles Schwab for our next piece of advice.
Instead, Jenkins took the liability and turned it into an asset. Genius.
Thought 3) How dare they.
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Here's the second part, my new theory of relativity, which is a non-sequitor except that it also relates to money:
I was going over my money last night, and saw that I have none. (wah) But it was then that an interesting theory hit me.
My first job out of college I made about 30k. I did alright, and could afford to eat out a lot. I had trouble saving though, and I wished that I made more money.
At my job, my friends and I used to talk shit about this dumb bitch that managed us and knew 500% less than we did. We hated her.
Anyway, we used to talk smack and debate how much money she made. We'd be like 38k, nah 40k son, get the fuck outta here.
We eventually found out how much money she made - FORTY EIGHT THOUSAND DOLLARS A YEAR, and we were like ... noooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooo ooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooo ooooooooooooooooooooo ooooooooooooooooooo ooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooo ooooooooooooooo ooooooooooooooooo ooooooooooooooooo get the FUCK outta here!
And I remember going home and thinking about it all night. I thought and I thought and I thought and DAMN what would I do if I was making 48k??? It was like planning what you'd do with the lottery if you won:
man, I swear I'd just pretend nothing happened - I wouldn't quit working - nah, I wouldn't change nothin' - just put the extra money in the bank, keep living like the everyman.
But FORTY EIGHT thousand dollars - it seemed like all the money you could possibly need.
But then I got a raise, and another, and another; and somehow I was still never able to save money. I guess I must have done a little extra shit, but it really didn't seem that different at all.
That's me getting hit on the head with Newton's Apple. Here's Blognigger's Theory of Relativity: Your expenses are silently, sneakily proportional to your minuscule income.
For you kids that have never had a job before, let me break it down like this: It's like when you get an eighth of weed, and you make it last pretty well for about a week. And you think, man, if I had an OUNCE, I could be set for july and august and save money. IF I just had that ounce.
But then if you ever went and did actually buy a Z, it never even lasts 2 weeks. Buy more weight, you just smoke it faster.
Same thing with money, kids - right guys?
At this point I make more than 3 times what I made at that first job, and I still have NO FUCKIN MONEY!
...and all evidence points to the theory remaining consistent at "insnaely" high levels of income - just check out those crackhead fools on wall street repped by the the How The Hell Am I Supposed To Get By On 500k article in the NY Times.
You think they're scumbags, but if you had that much money you'd do the exact same thing.
It's all relative - a "theory" of relativeness, or relativity, if you will: your lifestyle adjusts to what you have, and you spend accordingly.
There isn't a way out, it's just part of the human condition.
Still hate those guys?
Have a nice weekend.
14 comments:
yes. You are completely accurate, this is something I've talked spoken with people about many times, affected me personally, but yes.
Not because I 'blame' them, but because they're all a bunch of idiot douchebags, just like the same poor idiots who try bending the rules to buy more shit they don't need, thereby facilitating this mess.
I know you know this, but when will anyone learn to live by their own means, stop trying to act richer than they are? What is the root of it all? For instance, why is it that people who live in projects have nothing but still manage to have brand new $200 sneakers, clothes, all that? Same as people earning $20K mortgaging their homes and buying plasma flatscreens and all that. fucktards, that's what.
I think you need to maybe curtail your lunchtime azn handjobs. That shit adds up.
bunch of rich fucking asshats. I don't make much money, but I live within my means. I grew up poor as fucking dirt and learned at a young how to not be a dickhole with money.
I don't buy things I cant afford. Not like "I can afford those payments" but "I can afford to buy it, because I have that very amount"
The saddest thing to me is I will probably never see more than 100k per year and these dudes who fucked up are crying because they have to be reduced to 500k... If I was a lesser man, I would have gone on a killing spree.
You call this shit The Great Depression. I call this shit The Great Equalizer.
I've never had any damn money.
Niggas who had Jim Cramer mad money and suddenly have none now (like me) are the ones struggling like babies-sans-teet throwing themselves in front of my train and shit.
Me? I cool. No money - no debt. Nothing's changed except niggas are trying to sell me their flatscreens for $80 so they can eat.
Jon Stewart said it's "not a fucking game" but, you know what? It's fun from this end.
and least to go without saying it, China no possess all the money of American.
oooooh, time to repay all the bonds we by, cashe in!
From Preck
Yeah man, yer more or less correct. When I got my first job paying 35k I couldn't imagine making 100k. But then when I was making that much money I was still broke. Of course, we had two kids.
On th' other hand I know a guy who makes like two million a year-no joke. He just spent a hundred grand redoing a room in his house-no plumbing or structural work. Dig, he just had cabinets installed and LEATHER WALLS put up.
At the same time this Jew motherfucker is so goddam cheap...he wants to get married now that he is 40, so I told him to check out jdate or chemistry.com.
Dude kind of snickers, "You have to pay for those sites, right?" Fucker would rather jerk off and die childless than invest $30 a month in finding a girlfriend.
So it is a question of mentality I think. Some people just spend whatever they have (negroes, yuppies, drug addicts, etc.), others scrimp and save and melt soap scraps together (Jews, Chinese).
Whaddya say to that?
But Anonymous 11:03 is exactly right about "payments."
Everybody has been duped and jewdazed into confusing what they own and what they owe.
Dig, "credit" cards don't represent credit. Credit is something you have. "Credit cards" are debt cards.
"Debit" cards don't represent debits or debts. Debits are something you owe.
The whole fucken country turned into a retarded Dominican going into Rent-a-Center and buying a $2000 plasma tv for what amounts to $6000 if you add up all the payments.
That's explains the current situation in a nutshell. We overleveraged ourselves into a deep hole.
In my early 20s I learned the evils of credit. Now, if I go out to lunch with a bunch of coworkers, everyone looks at me like I have a dick growing out of my head when I pay with cash, like it's worth less or something.
We live in a culture where instant gratification is the status quo, and we don't know how to live any other way. I find this to be totally fucking amazing.
I'll add, however, that I can still be a dickhole with money. But at least I'm being a dickhole with my money.
right on, blognigger. I make over $200K/year and feel like I'm making living wage in this city.
You said "But then I got a raise, and another, and another; and somehow I was still never able to save money." -- well that's the thing. If you always save 10% of your take-home and just live on 90%, then when you get a raise, you're both saving more and have more to live on. But you have to take that first bit of pain and decide to live on 90% so the relativity effect can boost your savings and not just your spending. So it's not how much you make, it's how much you spend. People are lifestyle addicts. They want the high of a lifestyle that makes them feel cool or hip or successful -- or that they think will make others think them cool or hip or successful. And they'll spend every last dime chasing that high and then run up their credit cards and cash our their home equity (if they have any) doing it. The difference between lifestyle addiction and drug addiction is that it isn't chemical (for most people, anyway) and you can't exactly blow your credit card company to get another fix.
Charles Schwab are the good guys. There's some really basic investing principles - one of which is invest in high-risk, high-return stuff (like the stock market) for the long term. If you're going to retire in 2 years, use conservative investments (bonds, CDs, cash). This is what Charles Schwab says to do, and if you had followed their advice, you should be fine. My Schwab IRA doesn't have as much money as it used to, but since I'm not withdrawing it for 30 years, I'm not really stressed about the current market.
The problem is with the people who, ignored really sound, basic, investment principles for get-rich-quick schemes (legal and otherwise). The people who viewed investments with 20% yearly returns not as a lucky bull-market phenomenon for a few years, but as a never-ending entitlement with no risk. This isn't Charles Schwab, nor is it a lot of responsible smaller investors and banks who are doing a lot better than the bigger investment houses, because their goal wasn't to make as much money as humanly possible in the shortest amount of time, which is the goal of absolutely everyone in Investment Banking during the last 10 years.
this pretty much describes my financial life perfectly.
Fuck me with a silver spoon, that shit is soo right on! Bravo
BN
Yes, I still hate them. It's called living within your means!!!
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