Every day I gotta switch to the A at Jay Street, or if it was sunny and I felt like walking to 4th ave, I do the M/R to the D/B to the A/C/E. Ring a bell?
So I gotta do that shit everyday. Whatever, no big deal, I can transfer a train - there's niggas in Iraq and shit and I'm not going to bitch about having to transfer at Jay Street, knowwhamsayn?
However, these black and puertorican muthafuckas at the MTA have got me nuts- Lemme tell you what happened last week:
You know how they do: My A train pulls slo-o-o-o-wly into Jay street, and I can see my F train waiting in the station, just sitting with the doors open. It's one of those nearly-empty anomalies with everyone sitting down- the fat dominican ladies all exhusted and resting without books, the fob asian ladies with they pink plastic bags stuffed with pigeons and fortune cookies and shit, a couple 'a buttaface almost-dope russian girls with bad skin, the crazy old white dude talkin to himself...
So my train, as it pulls into the station, mysteriously slows to a crawl until it finally stops. Now, it's not parked in the station and ready to open the muthafuckin doors; it's just stopped. Meanwhile the F train just sits there with the doors open- waiting. I start to sweat because I know how they do, and missing trains just pushes me to a level of rage that is not rational. Lexapro does not help this feeling. No announcement, nothing. Just sitting there.
Ok, so my A train lurches back into motion, and finally docks at the station. All this time, the F train opposite is just sitting there with its doors open like fuckin BAIT son- like this boy Hassan from my old block uptown with his hand outstretched, just juicing to cut the psych.
My train is now docked, but the doors still don't open. The hourglass's last dregs of sand are slipping through. They just keep the doors closed for no reason, with no announcement, and make me stare at the open doors of my F train like muthafuckin al QAEDA.
Finally the doors of the A train open, and everyone bolts off the train. As you can guess, the F train doors immediately close, but the train doesn't leave. It waits until everyone from the A train staggers over in nigger-hating disbelief, building a hive of incredulity that surrounds the doors of the F train. Then the F train slowly rolls forward leaving us at Jay street like fuckin kurds in '89 son. Like the KURDS.
I swear to god, the final twist is that I see the conductor or engineer or some shit behind one of the little open windows, speeding off as the train builds up momentum, barely stifling a little cock-eating grin as his train departs.
When I saw that, a dam broke inside me and I went apeshit, muttering to myself on the platform- the kind of behavior which causes my wife to have second thoughts about the decisions she's made over the last 10 years. I decided fuckit: I'm gonna to ask Billy what the fuck is up with this shit once and for all.
Billy is a tech friend of mine who is a Project Manager at the MTA. Asian dude I know from coming up - don't ask me what his real name is - the parents make all these muthafuckas change they names when they come over here so that the teachers at Stuyvesant know how to write that shit down when they fillin' out M.I.T. referrals. They don't wan't these niggas to end up at SUNY Binghamton because some white lady in massachusets can't spell Chun-Li.
Anyway, he's a software project manager at the MTA - so for the most part he doesn't mix with the commoners, but I know he's got some friends in low places so I figured he could help quench my bloodthirst to find out what the fuck is going on with this BULLSHIT.
Now, brace yourselves White America - what follows next is a piece of muthafuckin investigative journalism that makes Bernstein and Woodward look like Fox muthafuckin news:
I told Billy this whole situation, and told him that I noticed that train conductors could not give a FUCK, in fact quite the opposite - that it seemed like they were purposely trying to fuck with niggas coming back from a hard day's work at rush hour.
He told me this: the MTA's official policy on waiting for connecting trains is to always do what saves the greatest amount of time for the greatest amount of people. (Should be self-explanatory bitches, don't make me type.) However, that being said, Billy told me - and this is confidential so just keep it between us and don't mention it to Billy if you see him - that it is a well known fact in the ranks of the MTA that conductors will frequently show preference to certain commuters, just like cops do. I guess this figures since these employees are only human...however, the amazing part is this: it is also commonly known that race is a prevalent factor in determining whether to hold the doors for commuters.
I said to him- get the fuck outta here- you're saying that because I'm black. He said - no - "that's exactly the point" (wtf?) -- the conductors are overwhelmingly minorities and that they absolutely enjoy and share stories about closing the doors on white people.
I said again - get the fuck outta here! Nope: Billy tells me that it is absolutely grassroots institutional knowledge that closing the doors on white guys, especially white guys in suits, is an underground sport played and relished by train operators of the M uthafuckin TA.
You hear that shit?? They keep your tears like a trophy, son! In the locker rooms or bbqs or whatever they got - I can just see 'em now, high fivin each other talkin about how they waited until just the right minute and SLAMMED the door on your conde-nast Park Slope ass.
-Damn nigga we had him starin' at the open doors for TWO MINUTES!
-naw nigga, he had his muthafuckin fingernails on the rubber! Closed that shit in his FACE son
-punk ass ante-pasta eatin park slope nigga take THAT.
-all in a rush and shit with his white ass??! There's a train directly behind this one BEATCH!
I hope you're as enraged as I am. First of all, as a defender of justice, I don't like to see anyone targeted because of their race or class. Second of all, and far more importantly, these ignant ass puertoricans are closing the door on my ass just to get one over on the white man! Can we get some basic human rights for the collateral damage up in this muthafucka?
Ignant ass niggas can't even spell geneva convention.
