I was at my aunt's upstate cabin for Christmas. Ha; I say cabin because it has a lot of wood. I'm a city kid, I don't know what the fuck to call it - it has sixteen rooms and three floors: it ain't no cabin. They bought it for less than 200k 10 years ago. It has everything you'd ever need to live. Except a city.
Jesus it's so gorgeous - the morning sun shines through the window onto your coffee. How am I even supposed to drink this shit without a little sun? It's all dark and shit back here in Park Slope, kids whinin' about WALL-E and rewind this and skip this and whatnot. Why do we live here? What the fuck is wrong with me.
I'm not saying they had an intervention around that big oak table, but lemme just say that we all did a lot of thinking and talking.
I realize that I need to take a break from writing Blognigger.
Just to re-cap:
1) I'm addicted to legal drugs. I need to take a break before that damages me somehow.
Writing Blognigger means I have to stay up every night from 10pm-2am, then get up at 6 with the kids. 4 hours of sleep except Fridays and Saturdays for 9 months. 9 months, lookit that: I've been pregnant with Blognigger.
2) I'm addicted to the very small amount of Internet Fame I've gotten, and it's turning me into a very unattractive, illogical, melodramatic, gollum-ass douchebag. Can you even begin to imagine what an insecure egotistical faggot I am, that I walk around with my family, looking at my phone, moderating comments, while my wife waves her hand in front of my eyes and says CAREFUL.
3) I am not a good role model, and I'm smack dab in role model territory. Maybe it's Streetcarnage's fault, but I get a lot of email from YOUNG kids who are in trouble. Some of them are fine, some of them need a little therapy, and some of them need to be hospitalized immediately before they hurt themselves.
I can't just ignore their emails. I'll need to learn how to deal with this before I start writing Blognigger again.
I could always deal with the hatemail - the helpmail is another story.
4) I realize now that I want to be a writer. This blog, as The Fool said, is the one thing which will undoubtedly stop me from becoming one.
The last 9 months have been like training - I've been writing every day like Rocky. I have a good book and the best movie ever inside my head. I'm gonna start with the movie. Putting it all on paper can't possibly be as hard as what I've done for the last 9 months.
The logs don't lie – they say that readers from every big movie studio and every big publisher visit this site regularly. If any of you believe in me and want to give me a shot, please lemme know. It will be a really, really great movie if I don't fuck it all up.
-1) More secret reasons, which I've arranged to publish in a surprise format
As you might guess, My OCD wants to start the hiatus on 1.1.09. I've talked to Blognigger, and he agrees. He gets his OCD from my side of the family.
We'll do a couple more posts, one on a suicide letter a kid sent, one on internet fame, and maybe one responding to one of the flames I get from this post.
Unless you're retarded, you know by now that I love you all.
Merry Christmas!!!
33 comments:
Fuck, Blognigger. I'm sitting here in Ithaca, NY, USA at my wife's elderly parent's house of modern pharmaceutical living and was just thinking over a cup of coffee (and just fucking typed to my dear friend) how I'm so "out of my element here." Too quiet. Too safe. Too fucking bored playing goddamn boardgames with my child.
Then I read this post. And went, "????!" I fucking love this guy! We all do because you write for us and about how we feel about shit.
Dickriding or not, the Blognigger is my BFF and brother and light at the end of tunnels of talent that I never pursued at 33 because I was too busy being know-it-all rock star, local celebrity, boy wonder. That shit fades like magnetic "Support Our Troops" ribbons though.
Strip the fame and talent and I totally understand your plight.
- I get the OCD (was all ready to do something different on 01.01 myself). Powerful force it is. Use it, don't fight it.
- I get the shit bottled up in one's head that needs to get out but one is too busy fucking around with all the lightweight noise and management issues that take up all the time but in order to feel relevant, the lightweight noise and management always wins out leaving a head congested with "ideas" and "notions" and "genius." Relax and let it out like that shitblock you had.
- I get the addiction. I so miss being home alone every day self-medicated to the gills. I've convinced myself that the self-medication helps uncork the bottlenecks and soothes the OCD enough to function and not second guess myself over the the whining interweb comments of pussy-ass child-niggers who couldn't vacuum my studio to my satisfaction. Embrace your addictions.
Do your thing, Holmes. Do it if only to open your floodgates and discover what ELSE is queued up in that fucking genius mess of a head of yours. But realize that this was the easy part. If you're going to do this shit you're going to have to juggle, balance, and fucking power through.
Your friend and brother and #1 dickrider,
-tyrone
"If you're going to do this shit you're going to have to juggle, balance, and fucking power through." - Amen to that!
You know I'll do what I can to help you. You know where to find me.
Blognigger,
it has been a huge pleasure reading your blog over the past few months. I dont even remember how I came across it but I am glad that I did. You're writing has inspired me and you're a really funny guy. write that movie. if you put as much work into it as you do this blog im sure it would be incredible.
go for it!
i used to be addicted to pharmaceuticals. a breakdown at a young age, scared of my own mind i became. drugs helped and then their help hindered. it was difficult to wean myself off of them but very worth it. organic living took the place of synthetic anesthesia.
what you are attempting to do - all of it - takes a lot of courage.
go get 'em. you will.
Fuck You ROCK!!!!!
Are you going to have a pen name when you write your book and/or movie?
Who should we look out for?
Half white- Half Black people are taking over the world!
go get yourself clean jerry
much love
Do whatever-- just give a shout out if things pick up somewhere else. You're a cool dude.
PS I did the move from the Wastelands to The City. The City is worth it; forget living in the woods, man.
if you gotta take a break, do that shit man. but make sure you use the momentum you've built up to get at least one of those writing projects done.
i'm still sitting on a book that's only part finished and it feels pretty bad to not know how to get started on it again (actually, i know how to get started, i'm just scared that i can't do it).
we'll miss you like flowers miss the rain if you have to go away, but make sure to let us know what's up and where we can find you next. you've obviously got the talent to get it done, now you just have to do the hard, hard work.
go get 'em, son!
You're STILL a pussy!
but thanks for the book.
and the ranch is always open
love
you're the best. i'll miss you. can't wait for the movie or the book. God bless.
~seattle mom
the force will be with you. always.
Stopped at a light and had a fit
Cause a Mexican almost wrecked my shit
you are obviously a funny, thoughtful guy. 99% of blogs/pages out there are dogshit, this one is a diamond in that pile of turds. if you quit now, you went out on a high, i have thoroughly enjoyed reading blognigger these last few months, but a human's well-being is worth more than my daily chuckle-supply.
all the best wishes for you and your loved-ones whatever you do with your life now...
MAX R
Checking in with blognigger over the last six months or so has been my best experience with the internet, free porn included. I'm not sure how to say this without sounding silly, but I genuinely feel that reading this blog has made me a better person. It's been inspiring, yes, and also at times enlightening, or something near enough to it. When you're deep, you're real deep.
You do your thing, man - sounds like the time is ripe. It's been a treat.
Hope it all goes well BN. What the fuck will I compulsively check now? Is the world ready for a movie about park slope moms who give hand-jobs to other married dudes to save their families while simultaneously fighting the insidious Chassids and their cleanliness ways?
Eh, I'd watch it. Godspeed.
I'm a native NY'er - and there are not a lot of them around from my generation...you tell my story, you read my mind. I never met you, but you are my friend. I wish you the best. Please continue to post occasionally and let us know what you're up to.
NOW HOW AM I GONNA BREAK THE ICE WITH BLACK PEOPLE IN A EDGY WAY THAT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE I AM COOL
no
do what you gotta do
Kwitcher yer fucken whining you pussy and piss or get off the pot.
"Because thou are neither black nor white but lukewarm I spit thee from my mouth..."
OK, we get it...you must move on, your true Fame awaits.
Here from ya never! Just kidding, hope it works out.
yep, this is the right move BN. although the talent/wit etc. never wavers, the "spunk" you had at the beginning is not the "spunk" you're sharing with us now. take care of yourself and your loved ones and we will see you down the road!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
blognigg,
please write something in the same vein as MEET THE SPARTANS... that would be phenooomenal
Well, the upside is that now I don't even have to look at the left side of street carnage.
shitorsugar you're nuts. this blog has been at it's highest point ever the last week, and i'm bummed.
yeah he's not been writing "spunky" shit about the subways... it's much deeper, and this sucks.
no offense bn, you gotta do what you gotta do, and at least you're going out on top.
Finish your gay prison romance screenplay quickly and make with the funny soon, boy.
Goodlucklotsoflove.
Man, peace and good luck to you in twenty-aught-nine.
I look forward to seeing what you do.
good luck. thx for the fun.
hey, hire the push-up guy in your movie, he needs a decent job...
“To thine own self be true…..”
Thanks for the times. Take care and Godspeed.
dear suzieQ...i ain't saying the reading hasn't been good-blognigger always gives it up good BUT to me his recent posts have had a heaviness to them...like he's tired, pooped out, kaput, overwhelmed. after his break i know he'll shine even brighter then before.
please dont go!
When I read, "The logs don't lie," I thought you were going to talk about how the consistency of your bowel movements was an indication that you need to slow down. Anyway, you should move up to Tarrytown or Sleepy Hollow in Westchester. Beautiful neighborhoods.
seems like everyone is suckin ur dick in one way or another...
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