I owe Street Carnage one more.
Not sure exactly when Gavin's going to be back in the hiz, but I'll post the link when he puts it up. [Update - Here tis]
Here's the letter. Spoiler: She's fine. She's growing up, and pulling it together like everyone else.
Quick note while you're waiting for my reply to show up on SC: Anyone reading this letter who relates to it: instead of writing me, go see a doctor. There is NO shame in seeing a doctor - it's just as COOL as going to a punk rock concert. It's real as shit - can you deny it? What's realer? I see doctors all the time; The coolest people I know are all in therapy or should be.
I'm not a doctor and I can't give medical advice - if you are in a situation like this, you need to see a doctor and trust your parents. Seeing a doctor is cool and hurting yourself is not. Killing yourself is for total fucking losers - I will never respect anyone who kills themself. No one will!
The girl who wrote this letter is getting better because she's seeing doctors and listening to her parents - just like I did. Life can be really hard, and all of us need help once in awhile. If you feel depressed and bummed out, always talk to your parents, just like I did.
Astute Reader tt writes:
Hey blognigger I've been reading you since the first streetboners link not article, and i gotta turn to you now because i don't know where else to go. Youre ask lexapro post really talked right to me because that is exacty exactly exactly what I am going through right now. Did you have anyone in mind when you wrote that, other than yourself i mean? Like, I'm pretty sure that my doctor or my parents could have written to ask you to write that? If you say they didn't that is totally cool, and i'd believe YOu, but that is definitely sounds like the kind of thing they would do, and the post is so about me directly that it just seems like a little bit of a coincidence you know? My deal is that I'm about to graduate school this year, i'm 18 and still live at home of course which also may be a big part of the problem. I've been taking anti-depressants forever, since i was 12 and i've tried every single one. wellbutrin effexor lexapro ect. they help buy not altogether. My main problem is that I don't get anything out of life and when I think that i'm 18 and I'm supposed to live to be 90 I panic. that's the part i bet my doctor asked you to write, if you say she didn't she didn't. i think of having to live, which is just about so miserable and i think how can i possibly even live for a year, but 70 more years??? i get sweaty just thinking about it right now. my parents are, i don't believe that they love me for a second. my mom does but. they want me to see doctors, they wont let me see the friends i want to see just because they dont go to my school or their older, did this happen to you? how did you deal with that? that;s one of the things I wanted to know most. i dont get to do anything i want to do, the secret is that even when i do the things i want to do i'm still depressed, and my dad is a yelling fagit asshole who basically wishes i was dead. i'm skinny and disgusting with no tits and my hair is like a broom. don't tell anyone. my dad keeps telling me that if i dont go to college and work and pull myself together that no one will want me and i'll be miserable for ever. i honestly dont think he means well, i know he's an asshole and my mom hates him deep down. he doesn't hit her or anything but growing up with them was hard as shit. he's such a fucking abusive asshole you don't even know. when those guys talk about kurt kobain, i don't even know. something about that calls to me, you know not trying to feel sorry for myself and i dont want to die but. it's like when you commit suicide its the ultimate message, the only real way to get thru to everyone how fucked up they are and how mean they have been. I wouldnt do it, i'm not going to commit suicide, but it jst seems like that is the one thing which really would show everynoe. You have to admit that its the ultimate. can you honestly say you took kurt kobain seriously before he killed himself? i wasnt old enough but. i mean, he was prob. another rockstar and now hes an alltime legend who put his money where his mouth is. sometimes i think of what my dad would have to do if i did it, like my mom would leave him because she would just know what he had done and how far he had pushed me. I'm not killing myself, i'm just saying that i think about it because i would give anything to get to see the looks on their faces. I couldn't anyway but. Is there anything you can tell me? you're lucky lexapro fixed everything for you but it didn't for me. do you know any other drug like medical marijuana or something else that maybe their keeping from me that might help. i'm sorry to come to you with all this, i know that you dont have a lot of time and have your own problems, so let me know if you don't have time to answer. also please just tell me whether anyone here wrote you, i swear to god i wont say that you told me, i can keep secrets as you can see. this is also crazy but if i manage to leave home and can make it to nyc (i'm in sandsprings OK) do you know anyone i could stay with for a day or two while i found a place - i know you have kids so you might not have room, but if you know anyone even for a day or two it might really help. thanks blognigger, please keep up the awesome blogging, it is like one of the best things in my life with streetboners and vice and failblog. write back when you can, remember to please tell me if you don't have the time, i promise i will understand and stop bothering you. thank you for listening.
Happy New Year!
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
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12 comments:
Happy New Year, I enjoyed reading your stuff.
A long time ago, somebody said about my writing something that could apply to yours:
Everybody else's stuff is shit, but your shit is stuff.
good advice, except if for some reason you can't talk to your parents (e.g. sexual abuse or any other type of abuse they might not want addressed) just talk to someone you can trust. that might not be either parent. it might just be an 800-number at first.
But...and on the serious:
Sometimes your parents and the doctors are dead the fuck wrong. About you. About life. About how your brain functions and what the right course of "treatment" is. About everything.
Keep that in mind. Parents and doctors are not magic like Barack Obama (Preznigger).
Keep that in mind when you see the doctors or decide to talk with your parents, kids.
I do, however, suggest you talk with the doctors and the parents for perspective and balance and context because they're older and trained and experienced and such.
They my be wrong but you will get at least one more perspective other than your brain insisting that your body to "just jump." And that's a good start.
You will know a shitty doctor and you will know a great doctor when you get to talking to them. But you have to trust your gut on that. My longtime therapist is great and does not expect me to be always healthy or perfect.
Mostly, get the fuck over yourselves. That's what I was told when I thought I was great then everything crashed around my ankles suddenly.
It's hard just being yourself. But why not do the hard shit?
Just sayin'. Gotta jump.
Peace
Maybe I'm not qualified being non-medicated and having 0% therapy. One, getting over yourself isn't going to happen at 18, but try some weed, it does work for some people who take Wellbutrin, Lexapro etc. Moving to New York will make you more depressed, you can't move away from a mental problem. Your parents may be dicks but if they're not beating or fucking you shut the fuck up. Your dad may be right in that you should try to go to college, it is a way of getting out of OK, meeting new different people, taking drugs and trust me you will get fucked. I'm sure you are actually really cute, maybe you just need to contact someone a little more mature who can appreciate your delicate beauty, BN has my info.
Most important stop sitting around listening to your brain, get out get drunk high or whatever, enjoy your lack of personal responsibility cause that golden age will end quicker than you think and then the real depressing shit starts. 18 year olds know shit about shit so don't listen to yourself and start flooding your memory with regrettable sexual experiences and blackouts!
Calm down you have food and a roof over your head, most people don't.
Reading this really helped put how easy my life is in perspective. I have some confidence issues. But I can deal.
And I hate to give advice in the comments section of someone else's "advice column", but if you're really feeling that fucked, DO NOT move to New York/City. Move to some of the whiter areas of Richmond, or Baltimore, possibly Atlanta. Merely existing in New York City brings along a whole slew of new issues. If you can't feel good about yourself surrounded by the uninteresting and likely unattractive people in Bumfuck, OK, New York might be a real issue.
not pussy?
I'm a psychologist in London, England, and while I'll authentically miss your blog, I must say that I will not miss, on the whole, the comments of your other readers.
Gents, it's clear to me that BN has done a great deal of growing up here. I can think of nothing that evidences this more than his disclaimers at the top of this post. From a moral and LEGAL perspective, he has taken the only action that a letter like this one demands.
Words can barely express how disgusted I am with readers like "Bert Jansch" - telling an 18-year-old girl who may be suffering from some form of behavioral schizophrenia that she should go out and smoke dope. This is absolutely the worst advice imaginable for someone with these kinds of problems.
Even "Ty's" suggestion that she should "get over herself" is utterly irresponsible and hurtful.
See your medical provider, therapist, whomever, and trust your parents. If, as was mentioned, you can't talk to your parents, talk to ANY ADULT YOU CAN TRUST.
Thank you BN - You should be proud of yourself for a number of reasons.
All the best. I certainly will miss your insights and your humour.
Anon @ 7:19
Huh? This is Ty. Hello. Real person here, anon psychologist from Londontown.
You are an anonymous commenter diagnosing someone on an interwebs comment section. You are Bill Frist diagnosing Terry Schaivo sight unseen. He has no job now. You should set before a barrister or some rot for practising in an interwebs comment section. Have you not ethics?
My comment suggestion, flippant as it was, was for people (in general) to gain some perspective, collect some data, and put themselves into a broader context.
It's like telling someone to go into the bathroom and splash some cold water upon their faces to take a step back and think before they act.
That's all. And don't trust everybody who calls themselves a parent or a doctor because, with everything, there is great variance.
God save the queen.
Word verification (no shit): cries
Goodbye all.
Your father is a douche and thats really hard. My ex grew up with an asshole father who would verbally abuse her and her mother. She too started on anti depressants when she was twelve. She had eating disorders and was struggling with self worth issues and angst. She probably still does, but she is much better now. parents can really fuck up their children by not showing love for them. That is sad as shit.
Something I read always kept me from committing suicide when I was a teenager.
"Suicide may change the way people think about you... but what if it doesn't work?" Work on your communication skills, get therapy, and surround yourself with people who believe in you.
BN--I rarely comment on your blog, but read it regularly. What an interesting journey you've traveled over the last few months, and I wish you the very best of luck in life. I'm sure your wife and kids are excited that you'll be more present (and less fatigued) in your (and their) life. They love you more than all your fans put together-- you're a lucky dude.
how to not kill yourself: think of the one thing in life you want to do more than anything else but for some reason (parental advice to the contrary, fears of how it will affect your future, social repercussions, etc . . .) and just fucking do it. It sure beats the alternative. It can't hurt, and you can repeat the process as many times as you feel.
wow! you have really outdone yourself, sir. that was an amazing and perfect response to that letter.
trying not to miss you...
xo
mc
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