Jesus fucking christ, look what it's come to.
I have to admit that I almost shit my pants when I saw this story on Drudge. I hope that by the time you read this it's been taken down and everyone is shamefully retreating and pretending that they never actually treated this as an actual news story. In case that happens, let me prove that it really and truly was above the fucking headline on Drudge:
Jesus, it's on AP and everything.
Well, just a couple of quick questions for
1) omg, like how lucky are you that the knife didn't break the skin!?
2) omg, thank god you didn't move or struggle or that nigger's knife may have broken the skin!
3) omg, out of all the cars parked outside on the dark nighttime street, how did the attacker know which car was yours?
4) why would you refuse medical attention after being cut in the face with a knife? If you were afraid the blackeye makeup would come off, you could have just told them not to use a washcloth because you're allergic to linen, etc.
5) It's crazy how your twitter updates surrounding the time of the attack read like gay overzealous foreshadowing dialog from Nightmare on Elm Street 4:
6) It's crazy how your myspace page which was just made private (but is still googlecached here) has this as the main quote:"Lying is the most fun a girl can have without taking her cloths off, but its better if you do."
A lying enthusiast? Sensational!
7) what, no smeared feces?
Wait – fuckin Palin AND McCain called to speak with her on the phone?! And each candidate had to release statements?? My head's gonna fuckin explode... Lemme wake up fellas; get the paddles – I'm ready. I've been flatlining 7 minutes that's ENOUGH LEMME WAKE UP!!! I saw the kid I was mean to in elementary school and I'd like to go apologize to him now so lemme wake up.
Well, if this is the October Surpise, I'll take it. It's gonna take more than a white trash Tawana Brawley to bring Obama down, unless she's 16 and he's fucking her in the mouth in front of her parents and Wolf Blitzer.
I'm gonna go look at Drudge Report again; It better not still be there.
[update: thanks for sending this in Donkey Kong - yep, I see that wonkette used the phrase "Dyslexic Negro" without crediting me. Are you surprised?
update: Got in touch with Sara @ wonkette - she was very nice and I do believe she came up with it on her own. sall good...
update: She confesses!!! Well, that was fun! What else you got?]
51 comments:
motherfuckin reDICulous. "authorities are -trying- to watch the video"...? This is gonna be fucking hilarious. I can't wait to watch the vivesection that's about to go down. Let it be known the public beating has never gone out of style. I wonder if she even thought about the fact that all ATMs have cameras in them. Shit, this is gonna be good.
yea, sounds funny to me too.....
"Lying is the most fun a girl can have without taking her cloths off, but its better if you do."
Panic! at the Disco song titles
hahahahahaha
headline and FAIL carved into her cheek are the epic 1-2 punch - you are funny as shit
her twitter page is blocked now
I hope you took a screen shot
You better not be sleeping!
I like that he only got $60. Not only is she a liar, but she is a cheap liar!
WHAT A MORON! THIS STORY STUNK FROM THE MINUTE IT CAME OUT! HER BLACK EYE HAS NO REDNESS, NO SWELLING, THAT IS MAKE-UP! THAT B IS A LITTLE TO PERFECT FOR SOMEONE STRUGGLING WITH AN ATTACKER.
NO WONDER THE REUTABLE NEWS STATIONS STAYED AWAY FROM THE STORY, OF COURSE THE DRUDGE REPORT JUMPED ON IT, THIS WON'T BE THE FIRST ELECTION STORY THEY HAVE HAD TO RETRACT!
TYPICAL REPUBLICAN BULLSHIT!
I HOPE THIS HELPS OBAMA!
THIS SHIT FROM MCCAIN SUPPORTERS NEEDS TO STOP!
Best blow by blow seems to be at a blog called (I shit you not) "Ashley is Lying"
http://ashleyislying.wordpress.com/
When you look at her google cached myspace page, one of the first few on the list of her favorite books is "The Scarlet Letter".
How appropos!
And here are a couple of other things about her from the myspace:
"-Occupation: Being a badass
- Heroes I am my own hero. Because i rule."
A immature, lying-loving, good old, redneck student from Blinn College (cue "dueling banjos"). There are tons of those down here, but she'd never pull this crap with TX police. They'd jack her ass up immediately.
She goes to the "yankee liberal north" to phonebank and after tons of hang-up calls, she gets desperate for McCain to win PA. If he doesn't win PA, he loses.
Yea, baby, I've got her number. Can't wait 'til she comes home to Texas for a shit sandwich welcome. She'll be shunned and ostracized, even by the racists, for this stunt and we'll see how much of a "badass" she is then.
YEE HAA!!!
Welcome to blognigger everybody! Enjoy your stay!
The best part is, isn't the "B" on her cheek carved backwards?! Like she was looking in the mirror?
And also what the fuck IS the "B" for!? Doesn't an "O" for Obama make a whole hell of a lot of more sense?
I'm off to go carve a "F" in my cheek like "Fuck all y'all motherFuckers"
1) You must be black because that post is a slam dunk (would've been a free throws but we don't do free throws so well).
2) The "B" is obviously for Blognigger. Or, "Bust."
3) The other day I sneezed and farted at the same time (what? it happens) and a sound that kinda sounded like "McCain" came out (because I was trying to hold in a bong load at the same time) and Matt Drudge posted that as my personal endorsement of Pappy McCain and Sarah Heath for president of Earth (Country Bumpkins First. True story (no-nigger).
4) Even the police are like, "What? Nigga please!"
this is so laughable...please tell me (from the looks of it on that other blog it IS happening) people will easily engage their brains and see this as a bunch of crazy cockamemie ridiculousness...only and specifically 60 dollars??!! and certainly the backward B stands for Blognigger...wait a minute...hold the damn phone...this has the eerie stench of swashbuckling all over it and reminds me of another time and place (and a heck of a great movie)...could this whole incident be also known as...the "The Mark of Blognigger?
Oh please, not again... blognigger obviously created that sarahsarmy site as well.
Blognigger - proving that every day, you CAN make this shit up.
It's not a hoax yall. I did that shit. The "B" is for "Bitch why you only got $60?"
It is like V for Vendetta, or Zorro or something. Wait, "B"? Nobody starts with B! B doesn't even make...the hell is that supposed to mean, B? Baraka? Like the dude from Mortal Kombat, the Wolverine-rip-off dude?
If he or she REALLY cared, it would have been BHO THEN we'd know.
I don't want to call somebody who just got assaulted a liar; there is enough blame-the-victim shit that goes down without us piling on. So I hope if she DOES get pinched & this is confirmed as a fraud, that we get an update.
A couple other fun facts from her MySpace page:
According to the "are you sociopathic" quiz, she's more of a sociopath than George W. Bush and Howard Stern
According to the "are you evil" quiz she is 92% evil.
According to the "how you will die" quiz she will be the victim of political assassination.
If MySpace profiling were legit this shit would already be over.
@ the fool
You forgot that she hearts CSPAN.
So when does desperation end and Munchausen syndrome begin?
Check it out holmes -
Wonkette used "Dyslexic Negro" without giving you props. The white man rip a nigga off agayn!
What you all should be saying is: "holy shit, we're really in a recession now." I've been waiting for this shit to come back for weeks now.
Guaranteed, this girl may be lying her ass off. However, I grew up in a neighborhood where this was pretty common practice -- knocking bitches in the back of the head and then carving your name in their face. It's typical of gang behavior. It is also common to put it in backwards, as the point is to have your victim see your shit everytime they look in the mirror. Like, "hey, bitch, you know what you look like? you look like I just fucked you up!"
She didn't seek immediate medical attention? Well, yeah... maybe she's lying, OR maybe she didn't want to go to the closest hospital, because she just got mugged in that same neighborhood and at that point she just wanted to get the hell out of there. Have any of you Brooklynites ever been to Woodhull Hospital? I could get shot in the chest right outside that shit and I'd be telling a cab to take me to Manhattan. More than half the people in that emergency room are handcuffed to their beds, and most of the others should be. I've been in that place and heard a man screaming, "Please! Just take me back to jail!"
"BLACK EYE HAS NO REDNESS, NO SWELLING, THAT IS MAKE-UP!"
This girl may be stupid enough to go driving around in the ghetto looking for a ATM. She may be stupid enough to lie about this whole thing. But, trust me, anonymous, you're the dumbass who thinks that cops can't tell the different between someone who just got punched in the face and Revlon Colorstay Eyeshadow.
Is she lying? Perhaps. Are there going to be a lot more cases of crime like this, that aren't completely fabricated, spreading across the country? Much more probable.
I didn't figure out that you wrote FAIL, so I am sticking with my original interpretation of the picture, which is that it says FAT!
Re: the last Anonymous - driving around in the ghetto? she was in bloomfield, aka Little Italy. if anything, that's a "bad neighborhood" for a 6'4" black man.
The sad thing is that way more media coverage will end rather than announce that it was a hoax.
I guess in that part of Pittsburgh your gang colors would be blue and never red.
Crips for Obama!
anon 11:50 is Ashley's dad
When I saw this story linked to on Reddit this morning it was immediate lulz. I didn't even stop for a moment to consider that there may be truth to it. It's not true. In fact, the story's so full of bullshit that I'm surprised any news outlets gave it any attention other than to call out top-tier lulz.
Not only is this going to really hurt the campaign, but this girl's life is going to fucking suck for a very, very long time. The ridicule will be unending. I hope no one lets her forget this. So funny.
Also, I'm pretty sure the captchka for this comment means something in Yiddish. Probably "Really stupid bitch".
Good Morning ya'all! (I grew up in New Orleans and I come by that mode of address honestly).
OMG, this is very scary, do you think it was Willy Horton?
Seriously ~
I-CAN'T-FUCKING-BELIEVE-THAT-THIS-BULLSHIT-STILL-HAS-LEGS
Hell, I sat up an extra hour or so (and ate way too much ice cream) following the spread of this insanity in the wee hours this morning and I thought I would go the way of Morton Downey Jr.’s Nazi attack by now.
Actually, I can. Funny that this "incident" was staged in Pennsylvania, the state where desperate McCain supporters hope to pull out a win by stoking the fires of racism and fear of negritude (of all places).
That is, by the way, the Italian part of Pittsburgh (think Howard Beach) so, big black insane muggers running around in undershirts (I like the detail that in her story even his wife-beater is BLACK) in 43 degree weather are actually sort of thin on the ground.
Check this blog by someone who knows the area:
http://www.talkingpointsmemo.com/talk/blogs/scientific/2008/10/black-eye.php
I like the 6’4” touch, your scary criminal Negro should always be tall I’m thinking.
Also, in a strange coincidence Sean Hannity (who to his credit has not linked this “story”) is scheduled to be in Pittsburgh today. I’m betting that “badass” Ashley has a major wide-on for old Sean and would do anything (well, anything short of scaring her face) to met him.
To the credit of crazy right-wingers everywhere (yes, the apocalypse is upon us) Michelle Malkin seems to agree with Blognigger. Too bad I can’t post a link to Blognigger there for her, but I can’t figure out how to do that.
http://michellemalkin.com/2008/10/23/why-that-%20mccain-volunteers-mutilation-story-smells-awfully-%20weird/
I like this from Fox News Exec VP:
http://foxforum.blogs.foxnews.com/2008/10/23/jmoody_1023/
If the incident turns out to be a hoax, Senator McCain’s quest for the presidency is over, forever linked to race-baiting.
Some place in the pages and pages of crap that I’ve been reading, ok wait, here:
http://www.pittsburghlive.com/x/pittsburghtrib/news/cityregion/s_595049.html
she has added “sexual assault” to this yarn because you know; every report by every woman of being sexually abused must be treated as FACT no matter what.
This from AP is encouraging though:
http://ap.google.com/article/ALeqM5iidrMKZwVNDDlEtkssY6t1xxhg9QD940VEM01
Police say bank surveillance footage doesn't show her at an ATM where she says she was attacked.
Complete and utter unmitigated bullshit ... or as Addison DeWitt once said "That was a stupid lie, easy to expose"
Pathetic
What I would like to see is a real girls-in-bizarre-race-related-delusional-state rumble between Ashley and my favorite delusional liar Peggy Seltzer:
http://harryallen.info/?p=173
Now, that would be fun ~ confusing but fun. What happened to old Peggy anyway?
Interesting also how it is your portly white girls who feel compelled to draw attention to themselves with this sort of shenanigans.
Wait a minute, I feel like I am being manipsnapes, and I am not going to let anyone manipsnapes me.
AnnaZed... you wanna keep workin here... stay off the drugs.
She's lucky her "attacker" didn't write "BO" on her face; I think that might be harder to live with.
@rev al
no one manipsmates me, or ma pamly
girls with black eyes give me a chubby...mmmm....
This even a nigger-loving-liberal-communist like me loves:
UPDATE: Apparently local talk radio host Marty Griffin (KDKA 1020) isn't buying it either. He's reporting that Ms. Todd called the McCain campaign office before reporting this incident to the police.
I have a day off, this is better than "right click report negros"!
THE LYING BITCH HAS CONFESSED!
http://kdka.com/local/attack.McCain.Bloomfield.2.847628.html
IT IS STILL UP ON DRUDGE, even though she confessed it's a lie. unbelievable.
I love this post from someone called “liquiddaddy” on Wonkette: … I have been punched, kicked, anal raped, smeared with dog poo, and burnt with cigarettes by the entire Republican Party for the last eight years. Where’s the outrage people? I am not an animal!
I wish that I had written it, I really do.
Cunty can I be your #1 fan club member? All day I walk the streets saying "and now over to Cunty McStevens with the weather, Cunty!"
Now if you excuse me I have to get back in the garbage bag and cover myself with dog shit.
oh man. i hope if i ever pretend to be the victim of politically-motivated sixty dollar robbery that I give my "attacker" more plausible motivation than to "teach [me] a lesson". did he "hate freedom" too?
Wait, so is this true now?:
Senator McCain’s quest for the presidency is over, forever linked to race-baiting.
I hope so.
AnnaZed I want to bang you more than ever. I promise I won't tell BN
Damn, I am reduced to having a sort of post-orgasmic cigarette. This fun just did not last long enough. (Yes, I know that I complained that it still had legs only a few hours ago ~ so sue me). I wanted to hear Sarah Palin race baiting her crowds with this story or something, damn.
Seriously, what is it with these chubby white chicks and their bizarre race/sex fantasies?
Being a rather shapely white woman myself I find it very unnerving. Maybe my persistence on this blog just proves that I am a chubby white chick with weird race issues myself. No, seriously, it might!
She just confessed that she lied about the whole thing:
http://kdka.com/local/attack.McCain.Bloomfield.2.847628.html
helllllo, my name is anonymous 2:37 and i don't read anything i just write stuff with my fingers in my ears going blablbalbalbalbalblabla
Hey, this is still a fun day and not only are the portly white girls wigging but the portly white man who happens to be the brother of the candidate is wigging a bit also (I love this):
http://www.wjla.com/news/stories/1008/563913.html
OK, so this happened on the 21st, foreshadowing I guess.
Blognigger is becoming my only source for news.
@ Annazed - Once you go black...and you are just getting started, girl.
o-w-g, girl, you have no idea.
I'm volunteering for Obama this weekend, so as an official Obama volunteer I'm going to force myself into a Neiman Marcus dress, carve "Unqualified" backwards on my forehead and then claim I was attacked by a hockey mom.
Holy shit......
And your post title is the funniest thing I've read all week.
I like this post (from) gawker:
GirlyWhirl ~ 1:47 PM … I thought she made the perp sound awfully sexy... 6' 4", medium build, dark-complexion, in dark jeans and a black wife-beater. She even pointed out that he bothered to shine his shoes. I think there's a little repressed desire to actually be ravaged by said description going on here.
Har!
Oh yes, and have you guys noticed that stone solid Nam Vet blogger man:
http://sarahsarmy.blogspot.com/
has DELETED HIS ENTIRE ASHLEY TODD POST & THE COMMENTS (several hundred) that sort of ingnighted this entire thing?
Yes, having a day off I have spent part of it baiting the guy and fucking wth him, to no avail.
In his original post (someone has reposted it in today's comments) he ended with:
THERE WILL BE BLOOD
(in all caps) I'm still waiting for an explanation for that, actually.
good call, annazed. i am enjoying the flood going on there right now.
She's the Caucasian Crystal Mangum.
"Todd told police that while she did not remember how the backward "B" got on her face, she may have done it herself since she was the only one in the car."
I love the fact that she MAY have done it, i think you'd probably remember if someone drew a B on your face with red biro....
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