Test Blognigger: Blonde Marley

Astute Reader Sydney Shmeldon writes,


Date: Mon, Sep 15, 2008 at 11:29 PM
Subject: Testing Testing 123
To: Blogngr

Ok blognigger, time for a midterm exam.

This test will be threefold to measure:

i. The reach of your site.
ii. Your powers of perception with regard to stereotypes.
iii. Your readers' powers of perception with regard to stereotypes, and the size of their collective cojones.

Here's the deal. I take the F train from Seventh Avenue every morning around 9:30 am, and almost every single morning this guy is on the train with me: he's your typical "white guy with dreads."

Well BN, I purchased a spypen just for situations like this: I took about 100 pictures of him on the train.

I should tell you that I hate trustifarian dudes more than anything, and your recent usage of the word is what gave me this idea. I don't understand what would make a white guy like this have dreads. But lets not get into my personal opinions - this is about you and your team.

so:

i. Post the enclosed pictures of this guy.
ii. Give me your opinion on who he probably is, and why he has dreads, and what he would say if confronted.
iii. Have your readers do the same
iiii. Tell your readers to find him and ask him to come onto the site for an interview
iiiii. Compare your guesses with "the truth"

We will evaluate Blognigger's success from these restults.

-snip-

Sidney Shmeldon


Well Sidney,

You're a scary individual.

However, there is something interesting about what you've proposed, and I'm willing to try part of it. As for the first part, I will not post the pictures you've sent - I don't feel right about posting some poor bastard's face up for thousands of people to see.

However, I do think "Interview with White Guy with Dreads" sounds like quality shit; therefore, for the purposes of identifying him and getting him to submit to an interview - I will send out the call as you've suggested. Here's a description:

Blonde white guy, thick dreads, no facial hair, looks like he's about 32. Takes the F-Train from 7th ave "every" morning around 9:30 - here's one little photo taken from the back like Jesse James:


That should be enough info. If he's a friend of yours, please get him to write in. I do think lots of people are interested in what makes a white guy want to have dreads - especially since he's over 30 and it doesn't seem to be part of a passing get-laid-by-hippie-chicks-in-college-fad.

Here's my estimated prophile:

• He's a musician who can't quite make ends meet from music (call me psychic)
• To make ends meet he's a teacher? (I'm looking at the backpack.) Jeez, maybe he's still in school but I doubt it.
• To earn his dreads, he had a highschool-age experience with reggae and perhaps phish and the grateful dead, which was so powerful that it changed his life forever - the community, the music, the love and the brotherhood. (something to be mocked? mmmm, yes and no)
  
• He smokes copious amounts of reefer
• He loves Bob Marley but he HATES Legend.
• Knows far more about reggae music than any black person in the tri-state area.
  

Now the big question - realistically, does he have black friends? I would say yes. I would say he's the one white kid at the reggae fests in Prospect Park, gets raised eyebrows from some but ultimately when they see the size of his nugs and how beautiful his glass is and how deeply into trance he gets and how well he knows the music, he wins 'em over, and maybe even teaches them a lesson. (Oh ma son remember that one white brother?) And that at the end of the day, is his primary reason for keeping the dreads.

As a black guy, a lot of people seem to assume I'd hate a guy like this.

White boy with dreads? The fuck is wrong witchoo son? You know how much a nigga pay to straightin his hair and look white? You bout goin the other direction witcha dumb ass! Nigga gonna shave 20k off his earning POtential.

What can I say - most of you know that ain't me. I'll tell ya, I'm skeptical of anyone in ANY scene - hippies, punks, hip hop (esp wiggers), WILLIAMSBURG HIPSTERS, Super Lehman Bros in Brooks Brothers gear - and I think almost everyone is guilty of it in some respect.

So basically, yeah I hate him, but I hate everyone. I don't think he's "confused" - I think he's deeply insecure - but who isn't. I pity us all in this cruel shithole; No one gets out alive.

Moreover, I would imagine the guy gets a TON of shit for being over 30 and wearing that fuckin birdsnest on his head (plus that shit must ITCH son) - and yet he continues to do it. At the very least, that signifies dedication – haters can't deny it.

Also, he doesn't look like a "trustafarian" to me - you're getting that term fucked up - it doesn't mean "white guy with dreads." It's usually someone younger, dirtier, who ISN'T going to work, and is living off their parents. I'm judging by appearances (that's the whole point of the exercise) but the guy doesn't fit the profile of a Trustafarian.

In any case, Sydney Shmeldon, if you were looking for the big angry black blogger smackdown, you were definitely coming to the wrong nigger. Let's reach out to him though, and I'll do a very tough interview as Angry Black, and see what he has to say.

Blogniggers - take a shot - who do you think he is?