Jezebel Readers Diddle Clits; Read 'Us Weekly'

Park Slope, Brooklyn (BNN) – Across the country tonight, thousands of likeminded jezebel.com readers finished supper, got into bed, lowered their panties, and rubbed their slippery baked beans in circles until they had volcanic
STOP
We've got to break down this third wall tonight folks - we're dealing with some new readers who are – let's just say they are currently satirically impaired. That's gonna change.

Ladies and gentleman, there will be no cursing in tonight's post. No foul anything - the message is too important, and we know that these new readers, when they encounter cussing, become obsessed with the cussing itself and are then unable to digest the meaning within.

We have a unique opportunity here tonight, ladies and gentlemen. I know that many of you are like me; through the course of your liberal arts educations, you have often wished that you could travel back in time and stand before history's zealots: stand before slaveowners, Jim Crow supporters, and the proponents of Japenese internment camps. Like me, you've wished that you could just have a few minutes alone with them – to have your calm, personal, focussed shot at waking them up, and getting them to see the error of their ways.

You think you could do it?

Well, tonight is one such opportunity. I tell you all, in dead seriousness and honesty, that I consider Political Correctness to be censorship, thought control, and every bit as potentially dangerous as the most infamous ideologies of the twentieth century.

Please turn your attention to exhibit A, the Jezebel.com post that yesterday brought thousands and thousands of readers to our site.

A1) Here is the image Jezebel used on the article header:



Jezebel editors: I'm a nigger ya dumb cuSORRY. start again: Why the fuck would anyonSORRY.

Folks, is that really the image that you think should be used to represent a douche who calls himself Blognigger?? Just image-goolge angry black man. – doesn't every single one of those images seem more appropriate? What would cause anyone to use the above image when talking about me? I know the answer, and I'll tell you after the jump. (hate that fuckin phrase – idiots).

A2) Look at the way they spell my name: "Blogn***er."

They are afraid to type a fucking word.

This is why I say in utter seriousness, that political correctness is a dangerous ideology identical to that of any narrowminded, judgmental, and separatist religion.

As we've recently discussed here on blognigger.com, Orthodox jews cannot write the word "god." They write "g-d" instead, because of their passionate devotion to their religion. I propose that your refusal to write the word "nigger" is the exact same thing:

• It is sacrilegious, i.e. against the moral tenets of the cult, for Orthodox jews to type the word "god"
• It is sacrilegious, i.e. against the moral tenets of the cunt, CULT, sorry, for PC droids to type the word "nigger"
  

Hence, Political Correctness has become their de facto god; it leads its followers in their thoughts and their actions. These behavioral standards are enforced by fear, and with good reason: failure to follow the standards is met with punishment and ostracization from the community.

As for their usage of the angry-white-guy image, their behavior is quite similar to that of fundamentalist Muslims, whose ideology has lead to the murder of artists and brought their society to the brink of war over the creation of a cartoon.

• It is sacrilegious, i.e. against the moral tenets of the cult, for Islamists to post a picture of their prophet.
• It is sacrilegious, i.e. against the moral tenets of the cult, for PC droids to post a picture of someone who looks stereotypically black.
  

It's easy to sympathize with their thought process here: in the context of a conversation in which they've just torn the ass out of "I Saw Your Nanny" for using a stereotypical (aka accurate) image of black nannies, Jezebel.com could never bring themselves to use a stereotypical (aka HONEST) image of the picture which comes to mind when you hear the word "Blognigger."

A3) I have to confess that I have not read all of the Jezebel comments, as they are far too numerous and boring, but it has been brought to my attention that they all pretty much agree with each other as per usual. (Except for 'dogisdead,' who is like, my new fucking hero and has more balls than I do.)

Jezebel Readers: Doesn't this conformity of opinion freak you out at all? All kidding aside, I know you're all intelligent professionals who sat through school like I did... Don't you see that each comment is saying the same thing, and can't you reason that this uniformity is at the very least unsettling?

Doesn't there exist a grain inside you, that while you enjoy the comfort of being accepted and belonging to a community, that wishes sometimes, like the chick from Heathers who secretly has a conscience, that you could just say what you feel?

You don't have to pretend to be good! It's ok to be afraid of big black people walking toward you at night; Cross the street! We will accept you here instead! In fact - we're in need of you! We have our punk, our nerd, our basket case, our jock, but we are still missing a princess!! Here at blognigger.com, you can be honest - you can admit that frequently, black people steal shit, and jews are cheap, and puerto ricans are as lazy as Dubbles, and white people not only cause global economic meltdowns - they can also be GREAT!

Now stand by my side, and rejoice, damn you. Join us in FREEDOM. Join us as we rant, and laugh, and call each other faggots.

[Tommy you still owe me a buck fiddy, and the rest of you lowlifes complaining this is too damn serious for a thursday morning, you still haven't read and commented on the late streetcarnage post, so don't get your knickers in a twist either bitches.]