Don't you fuckin hate those people? Right?
Ha! See, I just wanted to get you to say that. It is 100% certain that some of you are that guy!
Please, for the love of god, follow these 2 fucking guidelines:
- Don't tell long stories. Anything longer than 30 seconds is too much, and even that's pushing it.
- LOOK at the fucking people you are talking to, don't just go off on a riff like you just took bong hits and are taking a bass solo in your room in college. This isn't masturbation - it matters what they think- If the people aren't enthralled, shut the fuck up! Argh, you can't tell?? How can you not tell? Fine, just shut the fuck up then.
This joke is genius: timely, CLEAN, edgy but inoffensive.
Knowing a good joke is very important in the workplace and with friends. It can do wonders for your brand - and if your brand is already damaged due to the behavior specified above, this can go a long way toward repairing your credit!
If you stick to how it's written, there's no possible way this can not kill:
Barack Obama arrives at the pearly gates. St. Peter welcomes him to Heaven's podium.
"Welcome my child," says St. Peter "What is your name."
"I am Barack Obama," says Barack Obama.
"Welcome Barack Obama," says St. Peter, "What would you like to tell me about your human experience? Were you able to accomplish anything extraordinary?"
"Well," says Barack Obama, "with all due humility, I'll tell you that I was a rather groundbreaking individual. I'm proud to say I was elected the first African American president of the United States of America."
"Incredible," says St. Peter, "And when did this happen?"
"About fifteen minutes ago."
Don't fuck it up.
18 comments:
I am not that guy.
I am not that guy.
I'm funny.
I am not that guy.
I'm going to try this joke out and let you know the results.
Dat's a good one
Good one. As long as yer telling jokes:
George Bush is fucking Condi Rice. He sez, "Condi, I'm gonna take a little break now. But when I wake up I'ma fuck you again. While I'm napping, cup my balls with one hand and put your other arm around my shoulders."
Condi says, "OK Mr. President, but why do you want me to cup your balls and put my other arm around your shoulders?
Bush says, "Cause the last time I fucked a nigra she stole my wallet."
Hmm...it might work better if I do it in blackface.
Everybody thinks they're funny, but only some of us really are.
@ seth...
I don't know what's funnier, the idea of W and Condi getting it on, the idea that W could do it more than once, or W's racism. Hard to say.
A mother and child are on an airplane. The child is pensively looking out the window when he turns to his mom and asks: "Mom, if elephants have baby elephants and dogs have puppies, why don't airplanes have baby airplanes?"
The mother, uninterested and thumbing through an out of date issue of SKY MALL says: "I dunno, baby. Why don't you ask the flight attendant."
So the kid approaches the flight attendant and asks: "Excuse me, if elephants have baby elephants and dogs have puppies, why don't airplanes have baby airplanes?"
The flight attendant, looking at the child's guardian asks: "Did your mommy tell you to ask me that?"
Kid says: "Yep!"
Attendant says "Well, go back and tell her it's because Continental pulls out on time."
A little long, I know.
Oh lawd.
holy handgrenades! 'ribs' is totally one of those unfunny people of which bn spake!
cableguy- agreed.
we should all be forced to post a joke to prove we too are not that guy:
q. why can't stevie wonder read music?
a. cause he's black.
simple. elegant. classic.
who's next bitches?
jewish mother's dilema?
pork chops at half price.
not it.
what was the smartest thing to ever come out of a woman's mouth?
einstein's cock...
can dish it out
can take it
@amelia bedilia
I Lolled
amelia, good for you. im proud of ya
black people are afraid to sleep because the last one that had a dream got shot
What's the difference between Jesus and Mexicans?
Jesus would never get a tattoo of a Mexican.
I am not funny at all. But if I need a laugh I just picture Rip Torn as Patches O'Houlihan in Dodgeball shouting: "You're as useless as a cock-flavored lollipop!" Heh. Heh-heh. I *heart* Rip Torn. Trouble is, you can't really just shout that out at a dinner party, as much as I'd like to. On the other hand, it IS short.
What did the black kid get for Christmas?
My bike.
so a dude's fucking this chick. he says "flip over so I can fuck you in the ass." She says "Fuck me in the ass? That's pretty presumptuous of you!" He says "presumptuous is a big word for a eight year old to be using."
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