CHICAGO, Illinois (BNN) – Tensions between Blognigger and the Chassidim reached a boiling point Saturday evening, when unnamed Chassidic sources claimed credit for the death of 50-year-old comedian Bernie Mac."Bernie Mac has paid the ultimate price for the crimes of the Blognigger, " announced an underground website maintained by a militant faction of the Chassidic Community, "His holiness Hashem, blessed be he, has struck down the infidel as he cowered in a hospital bed. Praise be to Hashem, blessed be he, creator of the fruit of the vine!!"
Hardline members of the Chassidim have been calling for the extradition of Blognigger since Monday, when the blogger published a piece of writing that the group deemed offensive to the Jewish faith.
"As long as zee shfatzas refuse to obey Hashem's words and turn zee Blognigger over to answer to His justice," declared a source close to the group, "then Hashem commands us to strike out against zee infadel until His word is obeyed. Blognigger cannot be allowed safety - vee vill take him as he eats, as he valks, as he sleeps - Baruch Hahem God villing, vee shall be victorious above zee infadel."
Blognigger himself was unavailable for comment; His exact whereabouts unknown, he is believed to be in seclusion along the coastal Hamptons region of the north-eastern United States. In lieu of direct contact with the blogger, BNN conducted interviews with several of his associates.
"Frankly, 'BN' has brought this on himself, " explained Anonymous 5:25, "when you speak negatively about a group of people, you basically forfeit your rights to complain- no matter what happens. Censorship is necessary in some cases- Personally, I'm willing to sacrifice a little personal freedom if that means that people cant make fun of other groups of people. "
LawNigger, a Manhattan Attorney and close relative of Blognigger, appeared shaken when BNN caught up with him outside of his Upper-West Side residence to break the news.
"Are you fucking kidding me," blurted the corporate litigator, "are you sure blognigger posted again - did you actually see a new post on that goddamn website?" he said, shaking his head and walking away from reporters and into his apartment building, "Jesus fucking christ, it's impossible to defend this egotistical faggot."
"Blognigga, yeah I know that nigga, " explained a frequent commenter who goes by the name of Zaxxon, "we was chillin up on my cousin's on Friday banging on GTA - that nigga change up his shit, stand up and say he had to be out early cause he talkin bout he have to post. I said nigga you spossed to be on Hiatus fool! He said damn nigga back up off me. I said yo son why you change yo mind - he say: nigga i been watchin Back to the Future, pops – at the end Alex Keaton give that professa Nigga from Taxi a note about the Libyans, but the professa rip that shit up and say he don't wanna fuck wid the timespace continuum. So when that nigga go forward in time again, he catch the professa just as the Libyans roll up on him. Lit his ass up son, but that nigga had a bulletproof vest cause he TAPED up the note and shit! And Alex Keaton can't believe his muthafuckin eyes and he said, "What about the timespace continuum doc?!
And the doc look at him and go: "Well, I figured; what the hell."
...dedicated to the inspirational Bernie Mac; one very funny muthafucka.
25 comments:
lawyers are tricks!
Yeah man you back!
What the fuck you listening to lawyers for anyway?
rebel without a pause...(well only a little one) and nice to see you back...
Ahhhhh...It's so good to see this post. Really. You keep doing whatever you want BN; post, don't post, you do you. We'll love you anyway. And R.I.P. Bernie, we'll miss you.
Funny, funny shit, as usual. God Bless Bernie Mac.
BN's balls grew back! You shoulda at least let 'em set up the PayPal first.
hahahahaa
Good to see ya back! Bernie Mac did not die in vain!
This is back to basics - original just plan good stuff. On multiple levels.
People must realize that this is an important part of the war on stupidity. Like, Archie Bunker and George Jefferson. For serious. That's the best I can verbalize it.
And another thing: anyone who has mess to say posting as "anonymous" should basically be ignored outright. 'Cause that's the opposite of what's going on here.
I'm just sayin'.
My sources told me Larry Graham is next...Stay low, BN!
this may be your best work yet.
RIP Bernie Mac
god dammit! They just got Isaac Hayes, too.
Balls.
Keep your head down, BN.
it's worse than I thought. They got Isaac Hayes
Uh oh, this is what happens. Someone should have warned you. I've tried to leave the blogosphere a few times myself. But blogging is internet crack, yo. You gotta have your fix. Never mind the consequences. Besides, I'd hate to see one of my favourite blogs disappear. Keep doing what you're doing. It's good stuff.
Now that's what the fuck I'm talking about! Return to form, like Nicole said.
Respek knuckles to all y'all.
A splashy comeback following a short trip into a dark hole? Doesn't make you Jesus, my friend, and Cobain was a selfish little bastard, just so ya know.
Dammit, I just can't be mean to you anymore. Here I was all set to resume my Webkinz addiction, and now I see this post. And also? OH SHIT they just got Isaac Hayes!
Damn Nigger now they got Isaac Hayes too (RIP). You ain't a scientologist as well are you? Nice to see you back...don't ever hiatus again
WTF? They just got Issac Hayes too!
They killed Chef? You bastards, Chassids!!!
So how's the BN posse supposed to strike back? It's not like there are any famous Chassids in show business.
Go on - cuil "chassids in show business."
@roebling
NOT Larry Graham of Graham Central Station! His funky bass can never be silenced!
ALWAYS listen to lawyers!
Hey BN, why you gotta work on Sunday, makin' the rest of us look bad. Oh shit! I'm late.
First time reader. Read the threat from "Astute" on August 5, today, and then as I move to the most recent comments you were gone, working my way to yesterday, you came back. BN, is this America or what? I didn't want to believe that you caved in to the bullying of an individual who seem to think the First Amendment is under Talmudic law. Welcome back BN and stay focus, you have every right to do what you do, as long as your members are engaged and you are not looting, lying, violating the constitution, usurping the Court system, and brainwashing others for your personal racial-political-religion to name a few offenses that I have first hand knowledge of. Truth with humor is a fatal weapon-- use it. I know all about the sort of threats aim at you, and the unspeakable means used to destroy one's life, when one do not conform to another delusive race, religious and political standards, especially in the face of the truth,which has no authority but its own. Speak the truth and express your own divinity, because these people sincere believe they have the right to destroy and will do everything in their power to direct their subtle violence on others. The truth is, as shameless as the truth is, without this misconception of "anti" they will not survive, they need criticism for their agendas. I grew up with a simple antidote, "Sticks and stones make break your bones, but a word will never harm you." If a child can understand this metaphor, what's wrong with Astute, et al??
Judging from your blog, you are in good company. I was in your shoes once upon a time, so they did it to me, because this black educated female in her defense, embarked upon a rendezvous with the "Astute" prototypes, believe it or not, on every conceivable level, for 24 years. It was out of vengeance over nothing but the truth. However, once I discovered that "truth" was my actual crime, I was willing to go as low as they push me and believe me the depth is inconceivable. I went, I saw and I rose, so high in consciousness and spoke my truth just as you are doing now, still. Laughing always out of that underworld. I took the hits and refused to apologize, or compromise with domestic terrorist who are deluded into believing they have special rights.
My people under went slavery and built this dam country, yet I don't wear it on my sleeve and I have no respect or tolerance for professional victims, they are joy killers. I don't have to recall slavery, when I have talent and skills to ride on.
In that process from the moment they entered my radar, coming in and executing covert attacks, like all cowards do; I kissed death over and over, and still came back speaking my truth. They black listed me, evicted me repeatedly, terrorized my son and husband, and still we refused to allow anyone to bind our hands, control our minds and dictate what we ought to say when we are about our dam truth and our affairs. 24 years is a long, long time, we battled and survived on "fuck you."
The point is bro, "one million zeros do not add up ONE." Speak your truth and never apologize to immaturity; of course my sympathy goes out to Bernie
Matisyahu? He sucks anyway, and he's a phony. Hippy turned chassid.
so sad to see him go like that. Rock and Ice-Cube pay tribute to him, found this in an article on KIIS FM's web site:
http://www.kiisfm.com/cc-common/news/sections/newsarticle.html?feed=&article=4078227
Wow - guess you did find wireless from the hamptons, bitch
"LawNigger" hahahaha. good to see you back BN.
Wait, did one of those GI Joe girls just show up & "Knowing is half the battle" you just right there? & was the most reassuring thing she could say was that she was in court for a quarter of a century? Commentors are some weird brew, man. "Speak word to divinity & bubblegum bubblegum in a dish, man!"
It wasn't the Chassids that killed Bernie Mac. Bernie Mac died of AIDS. Pneumonia? Riiight. Who dies of pneumonia these days? You guessed it: people with AIDS.
Also, about your whole litigation problem. Now, I don't know what's happened but I was under the impression that you were a computer guy and knew shit about the internet. If you haven't taken all precaution with this blog, anonymized the hell out of yourself, you're just asking for it.
PS. Before you publish this comment, go to your hosting company and CHANGE your WhoIs entry. Don't forget to change the entries for all domain names associated as well. I know your address now, you idiot.
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