A Modest Proposal: Permit the Chassids to Take Suck Upon My Crinkly Ballsack.

You wanna know why the Chassidic community should seize this opportunity to wrap their bearded mouths around my lightbrown balls and taint?

Nah, it's not that they'd buy handjobs from goyasha girls but then refuse to shake my white wife's hand. (And believe me, I seen 'em in the spas plenty back in the day – particularly the asian joints – gettin they tug jobs on, gettin back into they suits in the locker room alongside a common shfatza, and then gettin back to Williamsburg in time for shabbis.)

Nah, it's not that they treat their own women like mindless, second-class baby-shitters. (g-d help them if they try and leave the cult)

Nah, it's not that out of all the ethnic groups in the five boroughs of New York City (32 year non-scientific sample) their randomly selected representatives consistently scored the lowest on pleasantness, respect, and eye-contact, earning the only flat ZERO in the study. (Seats Yielded to Pregnant Women, BNStatalytics trial 44, 2003)

Nope. Nope. Nope.

The reason that the Chassids can suck my nuts is the same reason that the fundamentalist Muslims can suck my nuts, and the fundamentalist Christians can suck my nuts, and the fundamentalist Heaven's Gate Devotees to the Evolutionary Level Above Human could have sucked my nuts, before they cut off their own nuts and got into bed tucked into purple shawls with black Nikes, drank poison and got theyselves KILLT.

The reason they can all suck my nuts with such gusto is because not only are they convinced that their invisible monster is the most powerful, fearsome, benevolent, vengeful entity in the universe, and not only are they convinced that they must devote their entire lives in utter subservience to their invisible monster, but they are irretrievably, irreparably convinced that EVERYONE else on the planet must do so as well – and anyone not doing what their invisible monster "says" are evil faggot cuntslingers destined for fire and hell and Newark.

Don't fuckin tell me what to do - that's a common theme with me. Rapes my rage valve worse than anything. I have a personality disorder and when you tell me what to do I lash out, Astute Reader, and needs the medication to attend to my works.

Now, are the Chassids the worst? FUCK no, are you retarded?? The Muslims are the worst, and THEN come the Christians, and THEN the Chassids, and THEN Heaven's Gate. That order right there is fuckin obvious son - the Muslims fly planes into buildings! Imagine a chassid tryin that shit?? Gettin they beard caught in the boxcutters and shit, big-ass hats bumpin into the airplane console and deploying the landing gear and whatnot. Wouldn't happen.

Seriously, can't believe you'd even ask; The Muslims are obviously the worst.

I mean, the Chassids are definitely annoying as FUCK, and the Christians are all anti-gay marriage and shit, (invisible monster HATES the cock) and sure the extreme ones blow away the odd abortion doctor; but dude: The fuckin Muslims are the ones who kill us in 2012 for chrissakes! You can't compare that with some dumbass in a suit, not shakin hands with bitches and takin up 2 subways seats with his big stinkin ass. I'd become a Chassid if we could get rid of all the fundamentalist Muslims.

But yo - I live in NY, so I don't have to put up with mass quantities of Islamic Fundamentalists, Christain Fundamentalists, or Heaven's Gaters: I HAVE had to put up with a whole shit ton of obnoxious Chassids, which is why they piss me off, which is why I'm blogging about them here on my fuckin BLOG, which you don't have to read, Frankenstein. As a bonus, I don't give into terrorism, NIGGA, so back the fuck up and save the threats for your wife.

So that's all I'll say about that; Now quit makin me get all black and shit, it makes me DUMBER every time I have to use that gland, like some Bruce Banner shit.

Now listen, Astute Reader; take my hand nohomo, and join me in the beautiful blognigger world of making fun of everyone, especially ourselves and each-other. If you don't, we're still gonna make fun of you anyway, so you might as well join us and laugh. Try it - start right now: Instead of all that angry ass shit, just say this: "Blognigger... Suck... MY... Balls"

try it! "Blognigger, fuck you faggot!"

try it! "Blognigger, suck my muthafuckin DICK"

try it! "Raaaazor...RAZOR! Miiiirooor....MIRROR!"

I swear to Jesus, Allah, Yahweh AND The Elder Member of The Evolutionary Level Above Human, that if ALL yall tight ass muthafuckas could just learn to tell people to suck your dicks instead of jumping for lawsuits and explosives and destruction, you would SAVE this fuckin planet and we wouldn't all die in a nuke war in 2012.

Enough; I know you won't do it. Just sayin is all. However, like a talentless old boss of mine used to say, "I expect senior folks to lead by example." So here I go:

Astute Reader, you want an apology? Suck my muthafuckin DICK.