"Homophobia" is for Fags

God's honest truth:

I attended a university so politically correct, that during my entire freshman year in 1993, I did not hear a single student use the word "bitch." No joke.

After earning my undergraduate degree in computer science, I went out to live in San Francisco because of how much I love the feeling of a man's cock in my ass. Haha! This time I jest; my love for cock had nothing to do with it – my move to the West Coast was all so that I could be a part of the late 90's html RGB / hexplosion of silicon valley.

That was 1997, which may not have been the height of the dotcom boom or the height of political correctness, but I assure you that it was plenty wired, and plenty gay.

At that point, I had spent about 17 years in the left-wing private-school infrastructure of the American Intelligentsia, and my head was pretty well pwned by their procedures and influence. I credit a couple of clutch experiences with jolting me out of the petrified hypnosis that enables political correctness. Here's one of em:

I was on a bus or muni or whatever the fuck they call 'em in San Francisco, a much younger blognigger back then, reading Irvine Welsh and Salon.com, going to Gay Pride festivities with my cool angry gay friends, and still fairly swept up in the dogmatic mentality of political correctness. I always felt lucky to be on the right side of the witch-hunt: Shit, I thought, I'm technically black, friends with all these angry gays... if I point the finger at straight white males and blame them for a buncha shit, it decreases the chances of anyone persecuting me for being a perverted, womanizing FUCK! (Attack; never defend.)

Anyway, back to the bus - one of the passengers was a short-haired young lesbian-in-training, and she was reading some literature that was no-doubt dripping with self-righteous, wounded queerness. (In my mindseye she has Birkenstocks on – I may be making that up, but it doesn't matter; regardless, metaphorically, she was nothing but a gigantic Birkenstock.)

So eventually, this black guy gets on the bus. Not like me – a real black guy – black as the ace of spades; he didn't have an email address. He sat down a couple of rows behind the lesbian chick, and the bus rolled up Market street.

I kept reading my Irvine Welsh novel until at some point, there was a disturbance. I still have no idea what happened, but somebody must have done something. I looked up, and a white guy about my age, who looked as though he had at least 2 email addresses, was staring at the black guy in absolute terror. He was sitting in the row in front of the black gentleman, and the black gentleman was going off upon him:

...EVER touch my mutha fuckin shit whiteboy Imma take yo muthafuckin monkey ass OUT. Nigga say he gonna take my shit up fuckin FAGGOT

––and that last word lit the bat-signal. That word was about the only thing that could have made anyone in 1997's San Francisco interfere with an aggressive black hoodlum harassing an innocent white graduate student. (After all, there were so many years of slavery hundreds of years ago to make up for, and while neither of these individuals were present for said atrocities, the people who owned plantations had the same EXACT skin color as the white people of 1997)

Well, Rock beat Scissors and Queer beat Black, and in a moment of indignant insanity, the lesbian turned around and said firmly to the black man : "Listen, there is no reason to get HOMOPHOBIC here."

Greatest favor anyone ever did this whiteboy; The black guy looked up in disbelief.

Admiral, halt the zone attack and call back our fighters - we are now prepared to demonstrate the FULL POWER of this battlestation on this bitch's home planet of Alderon.

A second later, he looked like he was going to remove her head with a KFC spork and his welfare check.

FUCKIN BITCH someone talkin to you? Little fuckin dyke-ass bitch! Nigga talkin to you? ugly ass MAN bitch? Fuck you think, BITCH!?? Dyke-ass ugly Bitch!

Ctrl-Z! Ctrl-Z! The woman had no choice but to turn around and stare into her book, her face red, her fingers clenched around the bookcovers as she absorbed his nigger-assault of Tenderloin trashtalk. It's safe to say that at that moment, multiculturalism and authenticity were no longer as appealing as they had seemed in her writing workshop.

Before long, the barrage got so fucked up that the driver, himself a "brotha," stopped the bus and addressed the offending gentleman in his own native black tongue, requesting the gentleman's immediate departure from the bus.

As the black guy relented and walked toward the back door, he continued to unleash his rage upon the poor lesbian. Then, just as he descended to the exit door, he flipped the script; His unlikely, final salvo has had a very lasting effect on me:

Mophobic?! Dyke-ass bitch; I ain't afraid of SHIT!

Well, he was right about at least one thing: It is a pretty remarkable word: Homophobic.

In typical usage, we all know that Homophobic is used to describe anyone who condemns, hates, or is prejudiced against gay people. It's extremely condescending, if you think about it: the idea that anyone who hates you or discriminates against you is afraid of you.

[from wikipedia]
Theorists including Calvin Thomas and Judith Butler have suggested that homophobia can be rooted in an individual's fear of being identified as gay... At least one study indicates that homophobia in men is correlated with insecurity about masculinity.

I mean, what a crock of shit, huh? Looks like the coiners of the term "Homophobia" are officially taking an "I-know-you-are-but-what-am-I" stance.

If you hate me because I'm gay, it just means YOU'RE gay! I know you are but what am I!!

Even worse, the term seems inherently apologist. The insinuation is that hating gays is not the hater's fault; it's just due to their fear of gayness. They don't hate homosexuals out of malevolence, but rather due to their own neurosis, anxiety, and issues. Jeez, sounds more like Woody Allen than Fred Phelps.

So, with this evidence on the table, let me present a conclusion for all of my gay friends. I know you know all this already, but it will be fun to say it together:

Gays,

The people that hate you, at best, want to see you robbed of your civil rights and unable to have a family, children, or medical care. At worst, they want to see you beaten to death with bats. 90% of the people that feel this way are NOT motivated by fear of you, fear of homosexuality, or fear of the possibility that they themselves may be gay. They mostly hate you because they believe in an invisible zombie monster that tells them what to think.

That's who you're dealing with; People who believe in The Shining. Tony's a little boy that lives in their mouth. They're scared alright, but not of you: Other than the Fire Zombie, they're also afraid that their kids might have the chemical, turn out gay, and that as parents of a fruit, they'll be ostracized and mocked by Ed's bowling league.

These people aren't victims, and they don't need therapy or training. They are fucking assholes who deserve your anger in nomenclature as well as action. Now, that said, I propose that instead of "homophobes," the gay community begin referring to these people as FUCKING FAGGOTS. How's that for a switcheroo? Makes the decontextualization of the word "nigger" seem like the work of elitist OED nazis.

No, YOU!!

"Homophobic?" Fruity, please. What a load of bullshit. Now, anyone gots a better word, I'm willing to listen, but pick something more accurate. Did anyone else grow up saying "fag-basher?" I don't know; somehow that seems offensive.