Hamptons Diary, Day 1

Dear Caitlin,

I'd forgotten how the August morning sun can melt away one's troubles. Another year has kissed the manor – wait until you arrive – it's as if each yearly return touches a milestone in our vast, continuous stream of existence; tattered, rusty markers, not unlike the buoys themselves, guiding yachts adrift in the lanes of this quiet sailing community.

We arrived on Friday – Maria and Luis seemed happy to see the children – I often question though, whether their affection for us is truly authentic. I know you and mother will grimace at the suggestion, but I always seem to detect something in their greeting; something short of the fondness that they portray. I must confess to having frequently wondered whether they occupy the main house itself, when they are sure that all of us are safely tucked away in Manhattan.

I'm not ashamed to admit that I did not apprise them of my plans to arrive a day earlier than scheduled – perhaps somewhat in the hopes of catching them off-guard. Indeed they seemed to be residing in their quarters, but that has not convinced me of their innocence with any certainty; it's probable that they curtail their illicit occupation when the calendar even approaches the date of our scheduled return.

In any event, the children are scheduled to ride with Mr. Sessions this afternoon. Ashley is getting too big for us to return to Meadowbrook and not have a proper excuse for why she hasn't begun her lessons by this age. With Bryant, thankfully, we still have a couple of years before the mindless neighborly judgement will start to rear its fecund head.

Now Cait, I realize that you arrive Wednesday evening, but I simply couldn't wait to reach out to you on the matter of the hate site. Todd's idea was so brilliant that I've sent maria out to buy him a bottle of McCallan 25 – your husband is an absolute prince. His invention of "The Jew" (I actually settled on "The Chassid" – like a typical jew but far more religious - if you've seen the creatures in big black hats with long hair and sideburns, those are they) has proven more successful than I could have possibly imagined.

Not only will I be able to refrain from "posting" during this week at the manor (leaving my evenings free to work with Todd on the logistics of his acquisition) - but the readers of the site now see me as some kind of freedom fighter! Robert "blognigger" Dobbs, Jr, champion of the first amendment.

Even more fantastic/al: as a deserving and earnest African American wunderkind, several readers themselves have suggested taking up collections to assist in bolstering my cause! It is "the least they can do!"

I'm in partial mind to abandon endgame as we speak - who needs to sell advertising when the liberals themselves are just dying to throw money at me hand over fist!

Regardless, observe my subsequent stroke of genius which all but rivals Todd's creation of "The Jew:" I've denied the liberals' request to be "allowed" to send me money! Consider it – this "noble" act of principle can only solidify my position in their hearts. In the softening for infiltration, I hardly think any other action can be quite as endearing, quite as effective.

We eagerly await your arrival, my dear. Please express my gratitude to Todd in advance, but leave the McCallan as a surprise of course. Also, if before departing you'd be able to vouch for me with Father- just express your confidence in the hate site and let him know that by the time elections are here, the site is quite on schedule to be the tool that he commissioned.

Ah Caitlin, the mentality of the liberal class is so base, so predictable. I was always certain we'd be able to control them, but what I could never have foreseen was their absolute lack of common sense and skepticism; it's all been just so easy.

To think these faggots take me for a nigger!

Looking forward to having our families together again shortly...

Best,
Robert.