Holy shit, "blogs" are sooooooo fucking boring - they are boring the CUNT BATS out of my internest.
Now, I'm not a huge reader of so-called "blogs," so most of you guys know more than I do, but while in teh Hampt0ns, I was clicking around the so-called "blogoshpere," seeking some entertainments as is my wont, and holy shit, it was literally more fucking boring than 'Nell' starring Jodie Foster.
I knew it'd be a nightmare out there, but I never could have expected this: Like a million of the most boring, astoundingly self-important me-me-me cunts on the planet all published their meaningless lifestories at once, each one just convinced they're the next Anne Frank.
My interest in "blogs" all started a couple of days ago when astute commenter Donkey Kong hipped me out to a "dis" that a "blogger" left on my "blog:"
Yo man -
This is hilarious-
I love my man "umbornbrooklyn" dissing YOU about "when does the entertainment start." (8-11 2:46 PM comment on your Who Am I post)
You have to check out HIS blog - it's the tamedest most yawnable shit I ever seen - what the fuck makes SUCKAS think they can FRONT!?!?
Thought you'd like to know I rolled up on his site and gave him a piece of my mind.
peace
D-Kizzle
The boy is a little overzealous, but you know he has a point? I checked out this guy's "blog," and I can't even read the text under the About Me & This Blog section on the left. It's SO boring.
I'm being serious - trust me, this is embarrassing for an intellectual black man to admit: I literally can't get my eyes to focus on it and read his description without bailing out and thinking about white pussy by the end of the second sentence. Look at all that fucking text!
Then look at one of his articles, take the first one.
END of an ERA!?? Isaac Hayes? The fuck outta here; No spin? No attempt at an ironic twist? Just a wah-wah-wah I remember the first time I was at the drive-in fingering a black girl and heard Chef rasping away over the radio and now it's too late cause he's gone to be with L Ron Hubbard and by the way here's what I had for breakfast and these are my pictures of a parade I was at and here are some of the fireworks I saw on the 4th of July and I HATE breast cancer (good one dk) and this is the craziest sign I saw on the street and you just can't get a good slice of pizza on flatbush anymore because of white people and here's some corn that we shucked this weekend and it's like being fucking TORTURED by my mother-in-law making me sit through her INSANELY boring life – and just like this jerkoff, SHE's the only one who thinks it's cool and interesting.
And it's not just him! It's everyone! All these "blogs" just telling me what they had for lunch and taking pictures of some old fuck doing laundry on flatbush and being like "oooh, authentic!" and since it seems to me to be everyone else I need to apply my grandfather's principle here. He taught me this:
If you know more than 3 complete assholes in your life, then it's probably you.
So is it me?
I told my best friend about this and he goes "ah, come on, what about gawker, boingboing, go-anus..."
And I said, "jewnigger, get the fuck out of here, those are not blogs. I don't care what they call themselves to take advantage of web2.0 hypesx0rs. Anything with a fucking marketing department is not a blog, period. A blog HAS to be ONE (at most TWO if they're married) ONE jerkoff arrogant faggot posting his own shit onto a web-log, period - blognigger is the perfect example.
So tell me wiseasses - is there shit out there that you actually read and is DOPE? Where are all the good "blogs?" Fucking help entertain ME for a change.
Finally, let me just say that of course I have about 5 blogs in my head that I do think are GENIUS - I won't list them here - that way when my jerkoff friends write me and are like "what about me?" I can be like, oh yeahyeah, you're one of the entertaining ones.
Whaddya get a free bowl a' soup with that hat? Oh, it looks good on you though.
TA-TA!! Chika-pay-leek-TA-TA!!!!
32 comments:
My blog is awesome.
Professor Mark J. Perry's Blog
Great blog if you want some socioeconomics knowledge dropped on you.
My blog is absolutely me getting drunk & talking bullshit about Dungeons & Dragons. No homo. Wait, homo. Wait, I'm not entirely sure I know how that phrase is properly used. Double wait-- that stupid captcha thing isn't here! I'm stuck in the comment box! The mother fuck!
I agree that most blogs are pretty lame (mine included). I read this one, even though I don't care as passionately about sports, because I love the way he writes:
http://www.cantstopthebleeding.com/
(And I'm a 321 mom who's gonna be scoping out all the dads in the fall to see if I can figure out which one is you).
I am dreading my vacation now, BN. What, is it raining up there?
www.thenonist.com
it's run by my buddy Jaime who is a smart cookie and completely disinterested in writing about the banal details of his own life and writes instead about things that interest him. This works because he is really smart and a good writer with a wide range of interests.
All other blogs can catch a bag of dicks, present company excepted. Most of the time. You were pretty much skating up to the edge with that 'handjobs saved my marriage' post.
stuffblackpeoplehate.wordpress.com
a young, angry black/native american man in d.c. ranting about shit that he hates.
cannot get through my day without it--dude is fucking brilliant and hilarious, and he's going to end the blog after just a few more posts to do some other shit.
*SOB*
you two should maybe get together and go bowling or something.
@tom 10:06
dude, YOU can eat a bag of dicks. Those fuckin handjobs posts were the BEST SHIT BN has ever done.
What are you, christian or just a faggot?
Steers n queers boy
My blog puts the Gay in Louganis!
You should read my rarely updated Animal News blog - http://kittenloss.blogspot.com/2008/07/its-jungle-out-there-57639-is-that-slow.html
Hey, you asked for it...
Playing off Misscegination, Stuff Educated Black People Like should be right up your alley. They aren't posting as frequently as they used to, but if you haven't seen it before it's a few hours of entertainment.
www.stuffebplike.com
Holy shit - Tom is teh gay
it's not you BN - every single blog is worse than fucking NELL.
sorry, but your site and FIREJOEMORGAN are the only two worth reading.
p.s. tom is gay
http://nappydiatribe.blogspot.com
this isn't my blog so don't avoid it cuz you think some punk just wants the BN BUMP. though my man, (we've never met) Humanity Critic deserves your attention.
peace.
This is not my blog, but its some funny shit...crunktastical.net
Mark Driver was amazing. But he disappeared. If anyone knows if he's still doing something, please post it. He's brilliant.
http://whereisbob.wordpress.com/
insane, fascinating and true.
fatherknowsshit.blogspot.com was Big Daddy Drew's hilarious blog before he started Kissing Suzy Kolber
shit! even I have to agree with conventional wisdom here - and I'm a Lesbian!
Tom: You're a FAG!
BN, please don't take his advice - the handjob posts certainly were some of your very best work. hated you for it, but brilliant stuff :)
http://imnotfeelingyou.com/
best. blog. ever. Besides BN that is.
Wish I had come up with the idea.
After BN, this is my other fave blog:
http://publicschoolintelligentsia.com/
@iceberg: I'm totally digging I'm not feeling you...nice pick!
Good news:
Duane Introduces Room Eight Legislation
posted by Ben Smith
Wed, 08/13/2008 - 4:47pm
State Senator Tom Duane -- responding to this site's battle to keep a blogger's identity from the Bronx District Attorney -- has introduced shield legislation that would give bloggers the same protection that journalists now have, in terms of the anonymity of sources and -- in our case -- bloggers.
"New York has a proud tradition of having one of the strongest reporter’s shield laws in the country. I was shocked to discover that in 2008, our law does not provide protections to journalist
bloggers – one of the fastest growing mediums for obtaining news. This glaring omission must not be allowed to continue," Duane said, citing the Room Eight case. "This is just one example of journalist bloggers threatened with civil and criminal penalties based solely on the content of their blog. If we do not enact my legislation, I can guarantee that we will witness more
cases of journalist bloggers facing contempt charges and jail time. This will have a chilling effect on free speech and a blogger’s ability to aggressively report the news. It is time New York’s shield law reflected the reality of 2008."
I caught my dude reading a blog called like..."Whores don't learn" or some shit the other day. Not really here nor there.
Ok so some of my all time favorite blogs are just the authors writing about the banality of their lives, but they do it in such an amazing writing style that the entries feel as poignant as a This American Life episode straight outta Ira Glass's mouth...
graceundressed.blogspot.com
and
bleakhills.blogspot.com
and then this last one is a bunch of fictional vignettes posted pretty sporadically that are really excellent, and word on the street is that the author is going to start posting soon and more frequently
aterriblesomething.blogspot.com
Dlisted is pretty great.
i'm sure you know this blog but wwww.streetcarnage.com is the best. but maybe its too big and well developed to qualify under your definition.
defectiveyeti.com
Another software engineer. Hilarious jokeblogging, geekblogging, and occasional heart-tug dadblogging. Laugh out loud funny.
overheardinnewyork.com
foundmagazine.com
failblog.org
I like http://planetdan.net.
What, you want people to have exciting lives AND write about them? No. Exciting people DO exciting things, and then they get ready to do their NEXT exciting thing, and they don't really sit down for a little write-about inbetween.
That's what I see, anyways, nopoet.
http://algoldstein.booble.com/
Screw Magazine founder and 1st amendment poster boy Al Goldstein has a blog which is funny and also is a good look in to the pathetic state of Goldstein's life.
If you are a NY Native like me, you got your first taste of porn on Channel J. Midnight Blue was the best of the lot (Robin Byrd was boring, and damn she was ugly). However, Al showed actual porn on TV (with the famous blue dot over the penetration) which was the answer to the prayers of most NY teenagers in the 80s.
Sadly, Al is a shell of a man now, and his blog only hints at his better years.
Well, you have to be sort of interested in bikes (no jackass, biCYCLES) to like this blog, but damn the guy can write, knows bikes and is damn funny.
http://bikesnobnyc.blogspot.com/
my two favorite ones are
http://menwholooklikeoldlesbians.blogspot.com/
and
http://www.hotchickswithdouchebags.com/
That last one my salchicha likes!
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