Astute reader Bklyn Negress writes:
Come now Blognigger! Do you really think Whoopi steamrolled Miss Elizabeth?
-snip-
Here is my theory – please feel free to correct me if I’m wrong. I don’t think you actually believe Whoopi steamrolled Elizabeth. I think your angst is because all that loud talking caused Miss Elisabeth to shed a tear or two. After all, for a self-professed lover of white pussy I’m sure there’s nothing more upsetting than watching that pussy cry and feeling powerless to do anything about it.
-snip-
So tell me, did I get it right? Come on – I promise no one else has to know.
See, Bklyn Negress, this is why I end up with white women.
You've left me as limp as a shoelace; Seriously– it's like a turtle right now.
You obviously don't understand the first thing about straight men - just because I would pay to fuck Elisabeth, how could you possibly think that'd mean I wouldn't want to see her cry? Fuck that shit - I'd spank it to her crying; Shit, I'd be pumping off to the Elizabeth crying video right now, if only I could edit out that big revolting Whoopi Goldberg. Bitch looks like Jar-Jar:
Listen, how can you honestly ask me that?
God damnit, I don't have anything against black women!! With so many goddamn black women in my family, the black women that raised me, the black women that fed me, you honestly think I could have something against black women? I just don't want to FUCK them, and that's two entirely different things altogether.
Correction - I DO want to fuck some black women – a whole buncha black women – just not SISTAS.
Observe SISTAS:
Now, if I looked at either one of these chicks on freeze frame, they'd seem attractive as hell. But the second they start opening their mouths, it's an absolute 100% turn off. They might as well have 12 inch dicks growing out of their foreheads. (Couldn't see shit cause the balls would be in they eyes.) Now for clarity, you might be a SISTA if:
a) You consider yourself a SISTA
b) You have ever bragged about being "Educated"
c) You have ever used the phrase "chocolate brotha"
d) You talk about giving back to the community
e) You wear or look like you wear Lee press-on nails.
f) You do the neckpump.
In the case that any of these are true, I just have no interest. Sorry! Not trying to be a dick, just honest - It's fun to talk to you guys (If I'm not with my white wife and you're judging me) and I guess it's good that you're so passionate and motivated and "bettering yourself" etc, and I like watching you fight on youtube and Cops and stuff, It's just that I'm completely and utterly unattracted to you. Why? I dunno. I'm scared of you. I'm bored of you. You sound like my judgmental cousins and we have nothing in common.
Examples of Black women I am attracted to:
- Zadie Smith
- Lisa Bonet
- Robin Givens
- The girl from Coming To America
- Soldja Girl (jk)
Now, one thing I'm into recently is to play "guess the hate mail," since for every post I get about 20 pieces of mail telling me how much I suck and what a sellout fuck I am. Guessing the hate mail in this scenario is beyond easy - All the "Sistas" are going to email me and tell me what a sellout fuck I am AND highlight the fact that all the black women I'm attracted to are "oreo-cookie-ass black 'n white bitches" blahblahblah. I have a shriveled raisin - a fucking ACORN down there just thinking about it.
Bottom line is this: It's not about race. It's not about skin color, or features, etc. It's not about class either, because these hip hop sistas with all this money and shit - still completely sexually unappealing to me. I think it's about being attracted to people that are like me - I just don't identify with that aggressive, inherently angry culture at all. And I'm angry!! And I love hip hop and Chapelle! But when it comes to girls, it just doesn't do it for me. Weird huh? Any psychologists out there? You got enough of a profile, let's hear it!
Maybe yall just scare me because I've spent my life being yelled at and judged and discriminated against by The Real Black People(tm). So maybe I'm conditioned like a tiny oreo rat, to go and push the white-pussy lever instead of eat the high-voltage chitlins. I dunno. In any case, don't let my introspection deter you: Get mad! Go ahead, get angry because I'm honest- you're in good company.
So Bklyn Negress, I know you probably consider this abhorrent, but that's my answer. And hey– don't worry about losing anotha brotha to the white girls; if we met you'd probably just consider me white anyway.
24 comments:
Sir, I'd like to point out that Whoopi looks like Jar Jar only in as far as Jar Jar is minstreling it as hard as anybody. Jar Jar got his ass fired from a Banana Boat commercial for being too Goliwog.
People who send email instead of leaving comments? Really? Suckers.
My bad! I thought you got satire. I didn’t mean to bring up painful shit. Hell, I even thought you would appreciate the Daughters of the Confederacy reference and the Ron Burgundy spoof.
First, you can’t pull the Real Black People card on me. I’ve been called everything from Cracker Lover to my personal favorite Aunt Thomasina – the latter by a doctoral candidate.
Next, I’m not angry – just curious. Not because of your preference for white girls but because of your “I’m attracted people who are like me” rationale.
You see, I know I’m not special -- even with my interests in Jared Diamond and Bertolucci and Howlin’ Wolf and the Whitney’s Biennial. This is Bklyn for Christ sakes Black Folks like me are a dime a dozen.
And…
It doesn’t matter to me how many times I read about some black man killing, raping or maiming a black woman it never occurs to me to say “This is why I’m not with a black man”
It doesn’t matter how many times I’m called Shorty, Ma or Red as I walk down the street or the ever popular Bitch when I choose not to respond it never occurs to me to say “This is why I’m not with a black man”
Look, I’m not professing to be self-actualized but I do know that for every Rae Carruth there is a Scott Peterson, for every Flava Flav there is a Vanilla Ice, and for every undesirable brotha there is some white dude who is equally undesirable.
And it wasn't an email, it was a comment on another blog
Why did Bklyn Negress type so much? She could have condensed her whole email into
"oh NO, you DIDN'T!"
See? Simple.
Bkln Negress, he said it was a comment. He even linked to it up top, Shorty.
JJ Daddy-O, I prefer "Ah hell to da nah!"
Well folks, this was fun but I must get back to the plantation.
@Bklyn Negress
Reading your comments here is making you a hell of a lot more attractive.
More later, i gotta work.
BN, you have simply identified a collection of traits that you believe characterizes women of a particular ethnicity who are less self-actualized than you. Since you claim it is not about ethnicity, I imagine that you could come up with a collection of traits that characterize “white women” who “might as well have 12 inch dicks growing out of their foreheads”, regardless of how attractive they may seem at first glance. If so, you are merely expressing the fact that many of us are inclined towards sex with those at or above our perceived level of self-actualization.
@anonymous 12:12
Interesting, thanks.
I love this post so much.
I feel the exact same way except...that i'm single.
I'd trade you all the white women in the world for Tyra Banks, Mr. Nigger.
Which sista in Coming to America: Patrice or Lisa?
Or was it "bark like a dog" princess from Zamunda?
You should go to church- there's some nice clean girls over there...
Cmon Sexual Chocolate, don't play me, you know which one...
The heroine, the one he marries in the end... the GIRL.
Holy shit horse, Tyra Banks! That is exactly the point.
Yeah I wanted to give Tyra the White Tornado when she did movies and modeled, but now she thinks she grew a brain. The first time she broke out some of that self-pitying fat housewife "SO WHAT!" bullshit in my bed I would ass-phyxiate her.
Actually my BN, you got it a bit wrong, class has nothing to do with money. I can only fuck women with a bit of class, chicken headed Lee press on bad weave bitches are ugly because the have ugly souls. Don't get it wrong, I'm snow white but will fuck any race whilst hating all races, my own the most. Anyway, come out to Seattle sometime if you want to see lots of money with no class.
Funny how a white man can fuk the rainbow and not be labeled a race traitor; but the MINUTE a black man fuks a white woman; he's hated by black women. "Sistas" don't date "broke-ass n--s" or short men, or bougie men, or--yada yada... White women are just easier; more accepting,y'know, sluttier!
So may I ask what race is your wife?
He said she's white like 10 times
Anonymous 12:12 got it right.
I love how BN and bklyn negress are both waving their self-actualizing dicks (metaphorically speaking of course) in the air to see who can piss the furthest (metaphori....ahh you get my drift).
BTW: Jared Diamond wrote a lot of crap, engaging crap, but crap. So I won't wave him around too much.
anonymous 5:40 dude, talk about waving your dick around... your comment is so lookitme it's laughable.
plus, like the rest of the fags that come on here talkin like you, no one can understand what you're blabbin about.
ya got a case a the mushmouths... go eat some lucky charms and come back to the ground.
Dear Blogrican-american:
I submit that you don't need to be a racist, an uncle Tom, or a neo Nazi not to want to fuck Whoopie. All you need is 20-2000 vision or better.
There're black women, and there're black women. And Whoopie is NEITHER. There's a whole lot of space between Whoopie "ET" Goldberg and Tyra Banks, I assure you. I don't think the woman has had a date since Ted Danson got laser surgery.
Class comes first. Color comes last. I'm white as the driven snow, in an olive-skinned, Greek kind of way, but the first thing I'm looking for is the name "Jamal" tattooed across her tits in 4 inch letters. I find that occurs on both white women and black women on about an equal basis. Thanks a lot for defiling both races, Jamal. Less booty for me.
Would I nail Tyra banks? Are you kidding? Did Rose Kennedy own a black dress?
But Whoopie? I could eat my way through a boxcar full of Viagra and still have to make excuses. "It happens to everyone". "Really, Whoopie? I'm not surprised to hear you say that".
Songo
lol Sammy Sosa's shot out of a cannon!
take it easy - you're right and all, the guy's a douche, but don't feed the trolls boy
Blognigger:
Tell everyone to go f*&$ themselves. You have to be "in" before you sell out.
You're welcome!
Blognigger, I am a white man (Jew) and I have never been especially attracted to black women.
However, Bklyn Negress is giving me a serious case of jungle fever. You see, where for you the castrating, dominating, all-knowing goddess figure is a horrible nightmare (e.g., she would never let you get away with buying handjobs and would figure it out quick), some of us crave total egoloss and reduction to stammering lying children.
Plus she is funny.
How can I get me some of that sweet jelly, Blognigger? What does the BW want?
Jesus, am I the only one who thinks Tyra is one of the most annoying cunts in the world?
That kind of shit leaves me ridiculously limp..maybe if I could gag her and fuck her from behind..then I'd probably be down
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