It's funny how the colors of the real world only seem really real when you viddy them on the screen.
-Clockwork Orange
I wonder why we never seem to be able to recognize modern freedom fighters until their deeds and likenesses appear in a movie starring Woody Harrelson. I mean, in that extreme case, it's certainly understandable that no one in the 1970's would have seen Larry Flynt ejaculating on an 18-year-old runaway's chest and been like, "there goes a great defender of the Constitution."
However, there are others among us now, fighting against the monolith of American Censorship, who likewise won't get their due until they're portrayed in some HBO Original Movie in 2023.
Listen: The danger of sanitizing our greatest heroes is that we'll paint ourselves into a corner. When we pretend that Martin Luther King didn't love pussy enough to sneak around Coretta, or that JFK didn't chloroform Jackie O so that he could shove his redsox-loving tongue ALL the way up Marilyn Monroe's balloon knot... we do ourselves a disservice. Subsequently, anytime a promising new leader comes onto the scene, we disqualify them from greatness for failing to meet unattainable standards.
That nigga can't be Jesus! He likes a Rim Jobs! My Jesus never let his hole out his pants unless he sittin on toilet.
(Meanwhile, the real Jesus was all about getting a little backdoor digit - just a pinky no-homo, I mean, he wasn't a FAG.)
Lenny Bruce, George Carlin, The Dixie Chicks.... all filthy bastards, all Jesuses who fought against censorship, and they all got their asses kicked by the jews. (just kidding! Mel Gibson! It was obviously Barabbas / The Romans)
Now, Howard Stern is one such Hero. Relax- I'm not putting the nigga on the level of MLK and JFK, but since 1990, he has had to fight the US government for his freedom of speech more than any other American citizen. Surprised? Why, who do you think has battled censorship? Jessie Jackson? Al Sharpton? Tupac? Gimme a fuckin break. Intellectual white america is terrified to ever contradict anything those muthafuckas say, lest they be labeled RACIST by McCarthyism 2.0
Howard Stern is very rich, very white, and he loves pussy; therefore, our politically-correct society will never take him seriously as a hero. But you can't have it both ways - If you get on your high-horse about censorship being a tool of oppression, then ya gotta recognize that in this regard, Howard Stern is the primary freedom fighter in the USA.
Now here's what I want to talk about:
The XM / Sirius merger was the US Government's latest clusterfucked attempt to fuck Howard Stern in his white ass. Here's how it went down: XM and Sirius, two companies each losing hundreds of millions of dollars a year, wisely decided to merge in order to survive. Through lobbyists, (a.k.a. legal graft and corruption) and only because Howard Stern himself is so hated by the US Government and the FCC, Sirius/XM's competition was able to stifle the merger for 18 months while each company hemorrhaged money, lost momentum, and teetered on the brink of survival.
Here's are some mergers that the US government took LESS time to approve:
Exxon / Mobil
CBS / Viacom
Pfizer / Pharmacia / Warner-Lambert
Turner / Time Warner
USA / Iraq
...all companies that provide fucking CRUCIAL products, control the media, or necessitated massive loss of human life to consolidate. XM and Sirius are two tiny shit-ass companies that provide a luxury product that no one needs. Who gives a fuck if they merge?!
Whatever. Why should Blogniggers care? Well, here's why I want to talk about it:
A tactic that the government used in this scenario, apart from being exceedingly entertaining, illustrates why we need to keep working together to slaughter political correctness in it's Park Slope Co-Op shopping tracks.
This is the greatest thing ever:
One of the demands made on XM/Sirius by their competition (wait - since when is a company's competition allowed to make demands of them? Oh right, through lobbyists and via the FCC and US Government's legal corruption policies. ok, start again.)
One of the demands made on XM/Sirius by their competition is that the merged entity devote 25% of their channels to Minority Programming. If this seems to you like a "positive boost for the minority community," just like the government and the N.A.B. want it to seem, then the last 20 years of political correctness may have left you mentally retarded. In either case, I'll explain why this is actually the most offensive thing that the government could have proposed:
XM / Sirius' COMPETITION has suggested that they devote 25% of their channels to MINORITY programming. Why do you think that is? Because they are concerned about minorities? Almost.
Think of it this way: This is the exact same thing as if The NY Knicks suggested that The LA Lakers devote 25% of their starting positions to guys in wheelchairs.
Think they'd do that because they're concerned about the handicapped? You fag, they're doing it so that they can KICK the LAKERS' ASS.
Forget about the fact that the government has no business telling a private organization what kind of programming they should be offering. It's worse than that - the motivation for this benevolent, progressive suggestion is that they want XM / Sirius to have to play with a handicap: and they view "minority programming" as that handicap! And they do it under the guise of that we-care-about-the-niggers mentality!
Revolting.
By the way, what the fuck is minority programming? They already have rap stations and the gay channel and shit - so what is MINORITY PROGRAMMING?
- Our Taco Hour
- Asian Ricedick Forum
- The Nigger Channel
Torah Todaysorry, forgot jews aren't minorities- Laura "Cunty" Stevens' House of Fags
In the XM/Sirius battle, even as a "winner" emerges, the damage is done. The damage is done to these companies, who will have a hard time recovering the momentum they had when they first announced the merger, and the damage is done to ME: following this merger has been an eye-opening experience for me, someone who normally thinks that anti-government protesters are a bunch of overreacting self-entitled whinerfags. Guess I'm one naive negro.
Alright, go get started on today's hate mail about how you prefer Black Hagrid posts; try to get it in before 9 as I've got an early day tomorrow. Meanwhile, the wife and kids are out, so I'm off to the bathroom with my laptop, a box of kleenex, and some quality minority programming.
19 comments:
You know what kind of censorship I'm worried about? The fact that these days I self-select pretty much ALL the media I consume. And I only consume media that licks me clean, no-promo: blognigger, NPR, This Fucking American Life. I couldn't be bothered to turn on Howard Stern or any *gasp* commercial TV with one of those stomach-turning Taco Bell ads. If there was anything out there to actually offend me, it would be a total accident if I found out about it.
You right, you right.
"Minority programming" is like what got Jesse Jackson so mad about beer distributorships-until his son got one. It's all about paying off the hustlers.
So when is the Summer '08 Blognigger Commenters party? I have two ideas for where to hold it:
1. Along the FDR drive right under the overpass to Ward's Island--we can barbeque and go fishing in the East River.
2. On the "other" side of Prospect Park. Again, we can grill, have watermelons, etc. We will string up a few balloons to alert all the other Blognigger fans where the party is at.
Brosti, if you're trying to get the Blognigger boys to NOT want to fuck you, you're not doing a very good job.
Well at least this clears up why I couldn't find Torah Talk on my way home from teh Catskills last night!
@cable guy
Holy shit, you're onto me! However, if you could just hear my sultry corn-fed voice, I promise you'd want me again, NPR be damned.
1. The worst censorship is the everyday kind. For example, I was kicking it with this girl yesterday - whose really attractive and who on occasion is kind enough to fuck me - who literally accused me of being a fascist because I said communism was stupid, counter to human nature, and didn't work. I pointed out that over a billion people tried it (Russia, China etc.) and rejected it. The US didn't invade those countries and make them - they essentially reformed from within. She said, and I quote "you're a white american so honestly your opinion doesn't mean anything to to me." (she's from France - parents from Algeria). Anyway...rather than call her an idiot I just laughed - trying to preserve my chances for some sweet action later.
The point is i often have more informed, interesting conversations with "conservatives than with people on the left. Cuz the hardcore lefties censor you if you disagree.
2. there is already a TON of black centered radio shows that do a great job on politics and other issues. the Times just covered this yesterday. and obviously more than enough "urban" music stations. I literally cannot find a music station other than some scratchy inconsistent college statations that play what I listen to. I'm a "taste" minority - I want 25% of Sirius devoted to late 1970's UK post-punk and proto electronica/industrial - and I want it NOW!!!
3. Since Howard has Robin on the show, can he count towards the 25%?
whew..sorry for the long post. Losing some pussy (yes it didn't happen after all the fucking talking )over an argument about fucking communism was an unexpected annoyance this weekend.
Time to clean your glasses Brosti - Cable guy was saying he does wanna fuck you.
as do the rest of us
@anon 1:32 and cable guy...
Oh! I didn't not misunderstand! Cleaning glasses now. Are clean glasses a turn-on? And, actually, blogniggahs, please. In my experience, het men don't want to fuck intelligent women, especially funny ones. Funny women are castrating, I hear, although not from my husband. BN, your next topic? T or F?
false because there are no funny women except sara silverman and everyone wants to bang her.
With all due respect, Mr. Nigger, who gives a fuck about satellite radio? That shit's a luxury no one needs, right? So what if they're mandated (no homo) to play 750 hours a week of Tavis Smiley? You don't have to listen to any of that.
Anti-government protesters are still a bunch of whinerfags. Believe me, when things get bad enough to piss off whitey, someone's getting a ration of shit. It is self-correcting.
Funny/powerful/accomplished women aren't castrating if you've got enough nuts you don't need to flex...metaphorically speaking, of course.
Dear Blognigger,
When I require an opinion on the allocation of portions of the electromagnetic spectrum to various and sundry competing media outlets, then let me assure you, I shall turn to The Economist.
What I require from you, on the other hand, is witty and urbane prose on the misantropic application of sterotypes in our increasingly diverse society, with particular emphasis on the New York City metropolitain area.
Sincerely,
Jefferson Davis
Richmond, Virginia
Deo Vindici
@Jeff Davis
Ah, shove it up your ass. He writes what he wants to write when he wants to write it. It's his fucking blog.
Do I like this shit as much as the hilarious stuff? nope. But ya know what, if he has to get his opnions off his chest, this is the place he's gonna do it.
You sound like an entitled little douche. "What I require" - ha!
By the way, if I remember correctly, you're the faggy little role-player who keeps posting shit in the voice of like, civil war renactment? Oh yeah, you know good content.
Go get a world of warcraft account like all the other half-orc douchebags.
retard.
I thought Jeffereon was ghetto name of the week.
Wow...nobody wants to party?
Seth, I'm down.
Sorry Jeff Davis - I gotta agree with Cable Guy...
You shouldn't be REQUIRING anything - makes you sound like a demanding ingrate.
Was this my favorite post? no... but anyway, when was the last time you saw the Economist talking about cumming on a girl's chest? It may have been a "straighter" column, but BN certainly put his own stamp on it...
oh yeah, and i agree about your civil war comments. sorry, makes ya sound like a total gaming homo.
Yeah, and I hate to make it a gangbang clusterfuck (no homo) but jeff d. could cool it with the mint juleps bit.
Love that at BN you just don't know what you're gonna get, but you DO know that shit will have a BN twist. I like finding my political arguements, corporate rants and Bla-f-ing-grid in the same damn place.
Variety. Spice of life. Booyakisha. Respekt.
That stream of concious late night blackberrying just lead me to the thought that Ali G and BN together would be the best. Ever.
Fuck the haters, Jefferson Davis. You're BN OG and you're good with me.
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