By popular demand and against my better judgement, I'm going to take respite from our comedy stylings to address the large influx of pretentious asslicking poseurs (minus quite a few authentic well-wishers including the author of the post at gawker herself; respect yall - stick around) that spent their day jocking blognigger.com.
My first question is, where do yall niggas work that you can spend all day on the muthafuckin internecks fingering each other's nuts? Do yall niggas have bosses? If you muthafuckas reported to me you'd have some serious timesheet auditing in play. What's wrong with your work ethic, bitches? Who raised you?
Spending all that worktime posting to each other and shit just to figure out that I'm a whiny douche? Hell yeah I'm a whiny entitled scumbag! Prissy fuckin Oreo cookie ass new jack yuppie scum. WAH I can't afford to live in Park Slope anymore WAH. Could have told you that shit for free. Next time spend all that effort clicking my non-google ads or sending me whatever you can from the money your mom gave you for a down payment.
Now, at the risk of encouraging the decline of American productivity, lemme revel for a moment in my two favorite comments from the gawker board:
Runner up:
<snip> I'm sorry, but hasn't New York, (and, indeed, San Francisco, Los Angeles - heck, even Vancouver) always been about making enough scratch to live there? It's not nice to notice, but at his earning level, he is poor everywhere.
Now, this shit oughta speak for itself, but in case it doesn't, lemme point you in the right direction: CANCER; This mentality represents the nexus of it. On 106K a year, I'm poor everywhere. The fuck outta here with that bullshit - go do some excercises in your orange workbook and get back to me.
But the winner... and stiiiiill intercontinental champion of all gawker blognigger comments:
<snip>After clicking around his blog, his race (is) suspect.
Now this shit is a little more reasonable. For one, this dude is in good company - even my cousins don't think I'm black, and I've been having cookouts with those niggas out in 516 since before I could chew.
Second of all - you goddamn right my race is suspect! I mean, a black man able to write coherently, decry the practical stupidity of affirmative action, pay his bills on time, get to work early, observe and remark on Finnegan's commodius vicus of recirculation, invoke ghetto language only when convenient and know enough Yiddish to be dangerous?! Who the fuck is gonna believe that shit?
Man, enough of this boring-ass slop. Shame on me - lettin yall droopycox fuck up my flow; Tomorrow we get back to the jam.
13 comments:
Never doubted your race. You just plain make a shit ton more money than I do, neighbor, so I will save my tears for somebody else. Like the kid I can't afford to have. You should consider yourself incredibly lucky and blog about your blessings - I only wish it was as easy as moving to Sunset Park. But poor me - at least I can eat. And use the internet. But I'm jut saying - why not be happy that you do make enough to buy something somewhere - six figures means nothing in Bay Ridge? or Queens? it's sad that it doesn't mean much in Park Slope, but you are so far from poor. You have a world of choices. Garfield St.not being one of them hardly means you're doomed.
jesus. is there anything you can't do? apologies to your wife, but I need you inside me.
Yeah dude, blog about your blessings! That would make for sick entertainment. Change your whole shit around - it's obviously not working very well, what with Gawker having you on their front page.
Good call Emily!
Dude, give us ALL some warning (though your first call should def be to carltonfuckingfisk) before you start blogging about your blessings. This way I can set your RSS feed on fire and wash my eyes out with clorox first. Thx.
Please don't change a thing. You have a fabulous and wonderful blog.
And dear Emily: boo hoo to you.
How much Yiddish is enough to be dangerous? Just curious over here.
Just some thoughts:
I dig your blog. Respect! And I believe you are black. Respect!
Would just like to respond to some of your posts, to reaffirm that you are not screaming into the void and that someone is listening to your specific concerns:
A) How can you earn $106K a year and not afford to live in Park Slope...
The answer is, well, $106K a year equates to about $2800 or so per pay check after taxes and all that. So if you get around $2800 roughly 2X per month, you see where you end up if your RENT ALONE is $3500. What about eating out? Your iPhone? Going on vacation? Your Original Penguin or whatever it is you wear?
Of course, your question isn't really economic. It's more like philosophical and moral. What is wrong with the universe? And it is called gentrification take two. You, me and other working stiffs are being pushed out by the lawyers and VP's... Folks who are willing to work until their eyeballs are bleeding and who never see their kids because they're traveling all the time or working until 7:30PM. It's sad, of course, because that means all the Park Slope places you love will be full of these standoffish dissatisfied looking stay-at-home moms sporting like 3 carats on their ring fingers and stuff.
But of course, you know this. As you yourself said, you pushed out the working class. And now you, the middle-class, are being pushed out...
Being part of the middle class myself (and it is sickening that a 6-figure income can make you middle class in NYC), I feel it's tragic and embittering, too. I mean, why couldn't those douchebags and their Cayennes and Touaregs stay in Manhattan? Isn't Manhattan enough? Damn!
But apparently, it ain't.
Ever think of moving out of the chitty?
Though I read Gawker, mostly for the comments, I think this roasting was particularly apt.
What else ya got?
How can you hate on complaining when said complaints are so witty and culturally relevant?!
PS: Sunset Park aint easy, Emily! 3 people got shot in January at TACOS2004VIVAMEXICO restaurant right by my house. They weren't mean deserving-to-die folks either; one was a toddler!
Just sayin...
keep it coming, man. this is the funniest post yet -- cos it's snappy. and also cos I can feel the energy of you sparring with us. keep 'em focused, brotherman. less is more.
Thank you for the laugh!!!
Alliect:
It was February, and all three shot were adults. No toddlers involved. It was, however, 9:30 PM, so early enough that people totally uninvolved could have been walking back from the train.
Sorry, Bestviewinbrooklyn: You're right, it was Feb...
But the Sunset Park Newspaper said that one of the people shot was a 3year old...
gonna have to agree to disagree on this one
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