The Nanny Diarrhees

There's such a fucking fantastic debate going on over at Park Slope Parents. Believe it or not, the current baffling asininity revolves around whether or not it is derogatory to use the unspeakable word "Nanny" to refer to your child's brown caretaker.

Kick-ass!!

Now, we never had slaves when I was growing up, we ourselves being black and all, but I do have some quality stories thanks to my Jewish best friend. Boy would these stories make the parkslopefags feel retarded for debating such tame drivel.

For instance:

My friend - let's call 'em Jacob - Jacob's grandparents had a black housekeeper that they referred to as "The Shfatza" - and not behind her back! They would talk about her while she was amidst them, presumably dusting and polishing and whathaveyou. The Shfatza! How do ya feel about that term Park Slope Parents? Where do I click to have ya debate the derogatory nature of that one?

That's not even the good part; the good part is the following rule of Jacob's grandparents' household: Jacob's grandparents preferred if Frieda (The Shfatza's real name - just called him to ask!) would only clean one room at a time - whichever room they were in! If The Shfatza did have to go into another room for some reason, the rule of the house was that she needed to continually clap her hands until she got back. Yes. They wanted her to clap her hands, of course, so that they could be sure that she wasn't stealing anything.

shhhhh!!

Wha??

HUSH UP Herb; I can't hear the shfatza clapping... can you?

Wha??

Clapping! ... FRIEDA!? ... FRIEDA!!.... Are YOU CLAPPING!!? ...
Herb...... cawl the police.

See, that's how muthafuckas used to roll, so forgive me if I don't get bent outta shape over newschool slaveowners using this particular N word.

Jesus, these Park Slope liberals getting themselves all bent outta shape about WORDS again. They don't give a shit what they DO, as long as they say it right, and can point the finger at others for saying WRONG...

...and you should see how they DO:


Hi Bernadine! Thank you SO much for coming all the way here! GREAT to meet you - I have another friend from Trinidad - she's an AMAZING woman. Tyler is going to LOVE you - Listen, after beansprouts he has a REALLY rough time walking up the hill - so if you could just call Arecibo instead - they come in about 5 minutes - we laugh cause they always say "5 meenut!" - they're AMAZING though, they do usually come in about 5 minutes- and PLEASE take the carseat with you so you can strap it into the backseat of the cab - it weighs about 30 pounds, so... you may need to take the shopping cart - it just folds up, ok? Then strap the carseat into the backseat - it just clicks in - it's ILLEGAL not to use it, so... Ok, and just pay for the cab each day, we'll totally get you the money back - is at the end of each month fine? Is that cool? Save your receipts, ok?

So when he gets home, make sure he poops ok? Like RIGHT away - He has to poop as soon as he gets in because he'll go in his pants otherwise and he WON'T tell you - his dad gets really mad when he ruins underpants so please remember. Also, when you wipe him it takes forever - but just use two wipes MAX with regular dry toilet paper, then one with a baby wipe, but NO MORE than that ok? He is really sensitive and gets like, a reaction so don't wipe any more than that - If there's still doody there just use a little water and keep rubbing it out ok? just the side of the hand works, it doesn't need to be your fingers ok? but get in there good- PLEASE, ok- because he is also gets rashes if there's any left in there. Just use warmish water, is that cool?

Also if he pees while he poops which he always does, just make sure that it's also wiped off - but definitely do NOT use toilet paper for that, ok? The tip of his pee-pee gets really red and sensitive - just use a little water mixed with a TINY bit of vaseline. Also he likes when you just kiss the tip before you tuck it back in ok? Not the tip but like, the little ring? And pretend it's like... a fireman. ok? Just say "bye little fireman!" and kiss it; mwah! ok? Is that cool?

Oh my god Janna, you have SUCH a great relationship with your nanny, I can't bel-

"NANNY??!" -- ohmygod Kate, Patronize much?!?!