Implications of Racial Self-Identification and Self-Esteem Among Multiracial Teens

If you are an intelligent person seeking satirical, political stimulation, now would be a good time to go to the bathroom.

Likewise, if you are an African American who has curiously been forwarded to TheBlogThatMustNotBeNamed.com by a well-meaning and earnest white colleague, then this is not the post you ought to start with. As an alternative, let me direct you to our right-hand navigation, which provides a myriad of opportunity to access politically charged content just brimming with hilarity and racial angst.

But not for me; not tonight.

Nay, I am under the influence of a mounting momentum initiated two days ago by a homeless black man on the A train. There's nothing I can do to get Black Hagrid out of my mind. I would say that from an analytics perspective, Blagrid currently occupies 7% of my total cpu time. If you consider that I'm also thinking of my wife and kids, milestone 106 from my project plan, what to have for lunch, the fact that I have to pick up my dry cleaning, and the sick body of the white butterface girl that sits in the cube accross from me, you'll realize of 7% of time for Blagrid is a shitload, and it's a segment size that I cannot afford.

I feel that my only shot at freeing myself from these thoughts are to give into them just once - it might not work, but I've got to try. Thus it is with regret that I bring to you what we can only hope will be the first and last installment of: The Offensive Adventures of Blagrid and Nappy Potter:


The black giant took a gulp of tea and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.
"Nigga, just call me Blagrid," he said, "that's what all them niggas be callin me back from the yards. And like I was tellin you, I'm the janitor an shit back at Hogwarts so I can hook yo ass up when we back there. Yall niggas know about Hogwarts right?"
"Er - no," said Nappy
Blagrid looked shocked.
"Sorry" Nappy said quickly.
"Sorry??" barked Blagrid, turning to stare at the Dursleys who shrank back into the shadows. "It's them niggas should be sorry! I knew they wasn't givin you mail and shit but damn nigga they didn't even tell a nigga about Hogwarts?!"
I'm thinking that it's now safe to start talking to you, but I don't want to leave this font lest it draw attention in case they are still looking at this post, maybe scrolling up and down before leaving the site. You see, only an original reader would have read down this far. I hope you understand; I had to do this to make sure that I could have one last word with you guys before the influx of new black readers who you've forwarded to TheBlogThatMustNotBeNamed.com. See I didn't want to let you guys down by scaring away your black acquaintances, especially after we went so much trouble for you to figure out a way of getting them here.
So here's the deal - Nicole, who is basically like fucking blognigger royalty, sent me this video. 2.5 million views? can't believe I've never seen it. Have you guys all seen it? Shit, I guess I have to post the video here - and this will draw attention back to this part of the page, but fuckit:




See why I needed all your new black acquaintances to leave before getting to this part? It's because I don't want to appear racist and give you guys a bad name when I say what obviously has to be said after viewing this video:

It's time to for us all to be rooted in what is so: black people are the CRAZIEST FUCKING PEOPLE ON THE PLANET. (besides arabs) There has got to be a genetic factor giving mainstream members of our race the capacity to act like this. Now listen, before you get angry and start sending me those goddamn emails again, let me explain:

When Nana 9:14 posted that question to the Ask Blognigger: Coloreds In The Theater about having a master's degree and still feeling compelled to act-out and be loud in movie theaters... it really got me to thinking. Thank god for her honesty.

I'm a big believer in brain chemistry being the catalyst for all human behavior - as someone on Lexapro, I've seen the evidence. So what I'm saying is, let's be frank that first of all, you've never seen any non-black person get as physically, thumpingly crazy in quite the same way as the girl in this video. If you have, send me the youtube video or example right fucking now. There's Tom crazy, there's Charlie crazy, there's Andrea crazy, there's Do-from-Heaven's-Gate crazy, - no shortage of white muthafuckin crazy people. But I am saying that you will not see quite the same kind of chaotic disregard and physical loud public energy in any of these people- especially from someone who is not diagnosed with a legitimate neurological disorder. Even if you see a white guy screaming on the train, he's not going to be quite the same unique brand of physical gyrating crazy as the girl in this video. The crazy DOG-PENIS white lady from the F train, who I will do a post on someday, screams all throughout the train like a lunatic, far louder than the girl in this video. But she is psychotic. You going to tell me the girl in the video above is psychotic? I don't think so.

Just own it - why lie? What are you afraid of? There's some gene and chemical that gives black people the capacity to act out in this specific way- we can stifle it by being civilized, but if you're black, you know damn well you can still feel that loudness urge within yourself. Shit, I've never yelled in a movie theater in my life, but I understand where the urge comes from - I can feel it deep within there, just to the left of my AfricaPancreas. Thanks dad! Black guy who doesn't agree with me: please post a comment and tell me you've never felt the same urge.

So let me have another shot at that Ask Blognigger: Why are blacks loud in movie theaters? Answer: It's chemical. It's the same causal gene that has motivated Africans to have created an oral tradition, and the same genetic impulse that berthed the call-and-response musical tradition. I don't yell in movie theaters because I'm not fuckin ignorant, but somewhere ever so slightly I suppose I'm stifling an urge. I certainly stifle that urge when I become enraged on MTA platforms and feel like screaming out like the dog-penis lady. What do yall muthafuckas think?? Cmon, lemme hear it on this one.

"ALL WHAT?" Blagrid thundered. "wait just a muthafuckin second!"
He had leapt to his feet. In his anger he seemed to fill the whole hut. The Dursleys were cowering against the wall.


We hope you've enjoyed the first and only blogplay installment of The Offensive Adventures of Blagrid and Nappy Potter, brought to you free of commercial interruption or hidden digressions into cataclysmic racial honesty.

I'll let you know if it helped.