Ask Blognigger: The First Rule of Blognigger...

Astute reader Capt. B.J. Smethwig writes:

Date: Sun, Jun 8, 2008 at 11:12 AM
Subject: Little Help?
To: Blognigger

Hey Blog,

White guy here.

I have a couple of token black acquaintances whom I would like to forward your blog to as a transparent bonding mechanism; The idea here is that we could read your blog in parallel and that we would then have something in common.

The problem is, these are real people and I'm not about to use the n-word with them under any circumstances.

How the fuck am I supposed to tell people about this blog?

Yours etc,
Capt. B.J. Smethwig


Captain,

Thanks very much for bringing this up. Several other individuals have written to express the same concern, and thus I've had time to give the matter some careful thought.

Here's the approach I'll recommend: If you are truly free of the shackles of political correctness, you should be able to recognize that the context in which you say "Blognigger" is more powerful than the perception of those individuals who lack the logical basis for parsing this term as you've intended it.

For this reason, you should feel absolutely comfortable in going up to these acquaintances and quite simply asking, "Do you read blognigger?"

Trust me on this Captain - I've got your back. With all due respect, it's possible that you don't know black people very well Captain. I know black people, so let me explain what I'm getting at: For the most part, black people really just want to know that you're comfortable around them - that you're not tiptoeing around them just because they're black. If anything, your contextual usage of the word nigger will instinctively suggest to them that you're closer to their experience than they might have realized.

If you sense that they don't look uncomfortable after this initial inquiry, it more than likely means you haven't asserted yourself firmly enough in the first moments of the conversation. You can compensate for this by immediately and pre-emptively working the word into conversation to show that you aren't phased by its repeated usage.


SAMPLE CONVERSATION:

You: Do you read blognigger?

Them: Uh, haha. uh... no! what's it called? blognigger?

You: Yeah, blognigger! Written by this super-cool black guy. You haven't heard of it? The guy was like, on gawker.

Them: Oh, gawker... right... sounds pretty cool. did uh--

You: He talks a lot about context - like how white people front like they've never said the word nigger? It's like, what's the big fucking deal right? It's a fucking word, yaknow?

Them: ...yep, people definitely uh.... i mean there's been a lot of...

You: Black people in general, at least in the media- they tend to have a lot of gripes, you know what I mean? Like excuses kinda? I mean, what's your perspective? To most white people I think it just seems like you guys are complaining so frequently, and that's what blognigger talks about too, you know?

Them: uh... yeah I'll have to uh...

You: It's really a breath of fresh air to have one that's like... You know, that we can relate to. It's pretty healing for the community, at least over in Brooklyn. It's not just white people who read him, it's like...It feels pretty diverse.

Them: Should we uh... the project plan is supposed to be up on the intranet before like noonish I think--

You: So is it true you guys have huge dicks?


IN THE UNLIKELY EVENT that you would prefer to go a less-honest route, I'd like to present my gift to all of you for all the honesty and intelligence you've all contributed thus far along in the ride... I certainly had Black Hagrid on the brain when I registered and configured:

http://www.TheBlogThatMustNotBeNamed.com

Give it a try - It's a whitesafe link to blognigger.com that should allow you to bring up our dear blog in civ-lized conversation:


Excuse me sir, do you happen
to read The Blog That Must Not Be Named?
Hey! Talkin to you, nigger!


Hope this helps!
Yours in spreading love and joy,
Blognigger.