Saturday, May 24, 2008
I Wish I Could Eat Your Cancer When...
What the--
The muthafuckin tittysuckin two-timin Tea Lounge is closing?!?!? I could kick somebody in the nuts! I need a piece of leather to bite on like the goddamn fucking civil war soldiers had as makeshift anesthetic.
First of all, my rage disorder barely allowed me to survive the closing of Red Hot Sczechuan last month, which was like the fucking closing of CHINESE FOOD ITESELF- My precious General's Chicken, which thank jesus I can still get from Hunan on Union st, is one thing - but my gay beancurd and cashews is IRREPLACEABLE. FOREVER!
Fuck.
Let me just say that the Tea Lounge is where I go at night to write and do my work. The one on 10th st. The one that's closing. I can't do my work at home, because I will procrastinate and watch Jon Stewart and jack-off and pass out by 10pm. Try that shit at the Tea Lounge and you'll end up on gawker. Plus, I enjoy having hot 20-something chicks to work beside, plus I enjoy having hipster fucktards and angry old hippies and psychopaths around so that we can all get our shit done beside each other while we pretend never to peek. God Bless America.
[fuckit, yall niggas wanna come over to my house instead? We can work in my living room if you don't wake the kids, and I got an espresso machine in the kitchen.]
Ok, so, the Tea Lounge is going away too. Hang on; what the fuck is going on here? Why is there another drastic neighborhood melodrama to blog about every Sunday night? Was this whole fuckin joint built on an Indian (don't stress; I mean feather Indian, not 'dot' Indian) burial ground? Seriously, you can set your watch to these weekend dramas better than my Tivo finds McLaughlin. (Nigga movin stations and shit - wtf?)
Shit; I'm such a fuckin hypocrite. I couldn'tve given a rat's ass when me n' my whole ilk moved to Park Slope and pushed out the puertoricans, playin they dominos an eatin they smelly chicken...
I couldn't have given a shit when 5th avenue turned from check cashing chow lines to Beerkraft and Nana - Hell no son I was psyched! I mean, of course I was socially intelligent enough to decry gentrification and pretend that my love of Almodovar made me part of the solution; but cmon, we didn't lose a wink of sleep, did we?
Well, if it isn't the muthafuckin candyman: The first wave of gentrification wiped out the lower class, and this phenomenon, which can only be the Second Wave of Gentrification™ is wiping out the middle class. (EVERYBODY PANIC)
Do I deserve it? Is payback a cockbitch? I know that's capitalism, and I don't think Ayn Rand would have much sympathy for me. But shit, I like my chinese food and my tea lounge and I love Park Slope. And I make so much goddamn money - a six-figure salary! Nigga that ain't shit; It doesn't mean shit.
Ain't nothin can survive at Red Hot but a COMMERCE BANK.
Ain't nothin can survive the Tea Lounge but a DUANE READE.
Ain't no one can survive this brownstone but a Wall Street Broker.
Fuck me.
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6 comments:
You're my fucking god
So.. a small business finds an affordable place, works really hard to get it right, and starts making some bucks...
Then because they're successful, the rents go up, and they get screwed.
Is that the American Way? :)
What about work hard, follow the rules and things will turn out ok?
Maybe commercial rent control? (That's what they do in Paris)
Real estate values go up because of the folks who live and work here.
But then when they go up, those folks can't live and work here anymore.
That's bullshit and unfair.
Banks and real estate offices? give me a break.
I love this post! The Slope is such a hilarious place. I've been on 15th for 4years and the block has blown up! Million dollar Corcoran condos. Hell, Eastern went online. Seriously though, I gave up on the 10th Ave Tea Lounge a couple years ago, but it's sad to see another small business go. Who's affording the increased rent that Tea Lounge, Florent and AiAiGasa can't? And if it's gonna be a chain, can it at least not be ANOTHER Bank of America outpost?
The Tea Lounge is closing? That is bullshit, man. Pure bullshit. In addition to everything else, that's the only coffee shop in that area that stays open til midnight. Red Horse Cafe on 6th and about 12 is also a really good place to work (and will probably get a boom in business as a direct result of the T-L closing), but they only open til 10pm. And they turn off their power outlets at the weekend. (That's also bullshit.)
Dammit!!!
I know I'm a bit tardy to the party, but as a fellow lover of Red Hot (until the end days, when they seemed to start cutting all the corners that your typical Number One Chinese Restaurant does) I have to let you know about Food Chow on 5th Ave (between 7th/8th). From the outside, it looks like any other Chinese takeout place, but the food is just damn good. Like unheard-of-in-NYC good. And according to my landlord, they own the building, so they ain't going anywhere.
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